OutLoud!

It's Broke

2006-04-12T01:41:00.000-05:00

From here on out I am going to refer to my job as CampStupid. As my favorite saying goes, "You can't fix stupid."

Unlike other healthcare institutions we have some unique rules around this camp. Our camp counselors can only do magic math. This must have been in the job requirements somewhere with a secret class only for head counselors given at a secret time and place. This is the math question for the day:

CampStupid schedule maker cannot fill Camp schedule because there are positions for 13 fulltime nurses daily. CampStupid schedule maker has 7 fulltime nurses and two part time nurses. How does CampStupid schedule maker fill all 13 positions?

CampStupid Head Counselor answer: "Well the nurses are just going to have to all pull together and work some overtime."

CampStupid schedule maker points out that every nurse could volunteer to work every single day 24 hours a day and all 13 positions still cannot be filled.

CampStupid Head Counselor answer: "Their (I guess "their" is the seven nurses) will have to make it work. It can work out!"

CampStupid schedule maker, not as wise obviously as the CampStupid Head Counselor, ponders the possibility of some head nurse counselors maybe helping the nurses out. CampStupid head Counselor laughs with all her knowledge and knows that with the magic math this is not needed and that in fact the CampStupid nurses will be fine and
work this out.

So in other words it is pretty rough around CampStupid lately. I can handle a lot, but the blinders management puts on in rough situations has broken me down. I am torn between the good and the bad. The good being the patients that I have cared for all these years, the bad is the blinded management that are too damn optimistic that things will be ok. Things have not been ok for a very long time now. At least six months.

I get this way every year about this time. Fed up and broke down. I make myself hang on because I am torn between what I love and what I hate. I usually work it out, things do get better and life goes on. But I have never felt this beaten down. Thankfully otherwise life is happy outside of work. But I cannot help but drag some of it into the rest of my life. I know I have been a bitch to people I love for no reason they have caused or can help.

I have to tell it!

2006-03-14T02:10:00.000-06:00

I don’t pretend to know about religion, or God, or death. I often doubt many religious beliefs and feel like some take the whole thing too far. But every once and awhile something gets me and this is one of those times. I am a reasonable person, often skeptical of the so called miracles in life.

Ms. Jane is one of the most loving individuals I have ever come into contact with. Life and love radiate from her even in her frail state lying in a hospital bed. If there are Angels on earth then Ms. Jane is their close friend. Ms. Jane has come close to death many times. The family was called in, and she lived on for years. Never once complaining about her condition and joking that tomorrow she would be walking out of that bed. Multiple strokes of course would make that an impossible feat.

Wednesday, Ms. Jane, was speaking loudly to someone in her room. Not just speaking, but taking part in a great conversation. Interested I stopped to see who Ms. Jane was talking and laughing heartily with. “Just my mother” she said. The confusion on my face must have showed, because she then said “and Frances”, as if that would clear it up for me. This obviously increased my confused facial expression, because she offered me an explanation. She said, “Come here, I want to tell you something. I am not going to be here much longer but I am ok.” She then asked me to call a family member, so she could see them. I did, since she asked me to. He arrived and spoke to her, and then stopped to speak to me. He relayed that the family and Ms. Jane want her kept comfortable, “just in case”.

Ms. Jane continued for the rest of the week to speak to “people” in her room. In the early hours of the morning Ms. Jane’s oxygen leveled dropped and her respirations increased. The family was once again called in. By the time I arrived to work at 2:30 Ms. Jane was herself again, her oxygen level was 99 to 100%. A family member told me Ms. Jane was asking for me so I went, as I entered the room she was smiling and said come here. I did. Get closer, she said. I did, No closer and bend down here. She kissed me on the cheek and said “You have always been good to me. You never was anything else. You mean so much and I love you. I won’t be here much longer just so you know. But I am ok, I have already talked to God, and my mother.” I left the room with tears in my eyes. She then spent the next hour or so requesting various staff members to come see her. They all left with similar stories like mine. After supper she fell asleep. Her family left quietly and told me to let her know they would be back tomorrow; they didn’t want to wake her. Later when she awoke I told her they had left and would be back, she said, “Well that is nice, but they really don’t have to, I won’t be here”. She smiled, and then added “but that is ok.” She denied the need to see a priest; she continued to say that she has already talked with God. I guess once you “talk to God” a priest seems a little less necessary.

Ms. Jane left this life the next day. When I heard I cried, not tears of sadness, but joy. I have heard others say that before and I always thought, yeah right. But for the first time in my life I not only mean it, but felt it. If death is even half of the happiness Ms. Jane brought into the world, then it truly will be a place we should want to be.

2006-02-12T03:34:00.000-06:00

I have always wanted a Siberian Husky with ice blue eyes. But my fiancé talked me into a much smaller dog. I wouldn’t trade her for the bluest eyes in the world, but someway somehow I am going to figure out how to be the boss in this house.

Housebroke? What is that? Not chewing on the couch…go ahead. Sleeping in your own place instead of my bed? No way. This 6lb rat looking terrier is the master here. I know I am being too soft hearted, but how can I not be? Just look at her!

This is Zoe, my three month old Norwich Terrier. I have never owned a dog that I could 100% identify as any breed so being able to that is a little exciting. But nevertheless, a dog is a dog, and I should learn to be the boss. The problem started here a few days after begging my fiance's brother to let us take her early. He wanted to keep her with her parents and sister until she was exactly three months. She has never once seemed to suffer from any separation problems from her family, she just jumped right into running things. My fiance has the ability to not only be stern but loveable, she minded him perfectly. He took her out and she went, I take her out and she eats leaves.

Finally Home

2006-01-30T02:47:00.000-06:00

After all this time I am finally moved into my house. I thought I would be lonely, but I am enjoying the peacefulness of it. My Fiancé is on the road all week and I did not know if I would be able to handle it or not. I don’t necessarily like being in the same room with everyone else, but I liked knowing they were in the house with me.
Now that the Broadband has been installed and I finally got to turn on the computer in my computer room (a whole room just for the computer!) I am enjoying the quietness that is in the other room. Mom’s cat is not on my desk knocking off my Longaberger Baskets (that really ticked me off the damn cat thought hmmm, a basket she actually paid 80 bucks for? Into the floor!) and the tv is not echoing through the hall. A friend at work told me that after I move out and I have my own house I will not want to ever go home again. That’s not completely true since I usually visit daily (it is just down the road after all) but I can see where that statement came from. I like going to bed with a clean house, and then having the pleasure of waking up to one. Just like I left it the night before.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-17T03:06:00.000-06:00

I don't normally get into holidays, feel free to call me scrooge, some do already. I just never got the whole idea of them (especially Christmas). However I got an interesting email the other day. Well more of a newsletter from a band some of my family belongs to, each of the members listed what they are thankfully for. It got me thinking a little. So here is my list of thankfulness. And for those that know me, no I am not getting into the holiday spirit. Don't panic.

I am thankful for my family, all of them. They are my support and best friends. Without them I would have nowhere to turn and be lost in a darkness I would never find my way out of. I am lucky to have my fiance, even though I could kill him some days he is one of few people that knows the real me and judges me for only the good (poor blind guy). I am lucky to have a best friend that has been there most of my life, and she has blessed my life with her friendship and her small son who has brought light into my life. I am thankful for a home to come to at days end when the rest of the world is crazy. Things will always be the same at home no matter what. I don't need a vacation getaway because I have that everyday.

Just life.

2005-11-15T02:26:00.000-06:00

The house is coming along great, almost done. I bought all my appliances last week and my new furniture tonight. I will halfway be sad when it is all over because then I will not be able to do all this shopping. I can go now and write checks for a thousand dollars and nobody says a word about how much money I am spending. It is nice to walk in and pick out what you want, because it is what you want, not what you have to settle for because it is what you can afford. However this statement does not fully sum me up, because I am thrifty to. For instance I drove 50 miles to a scratch and dent warehouse to purchase my appliances. You can’t beat scratch and dent; they are brand new GE appliances with a five year warranty just like the new ones everywhere else. I spent 980 dollars on a brand new stainless steel fridge, stainless stove, stainless steel microwave and a dishwasher. I still got what I wanted but the truth is I would have been too cheap to buy the stainless appliances at full retail price. I cannot even find the supposed dent or scratch on the fridge, stove, or dishwasher. The microwave has a dent in the back of it (like who cares about that!).

I am really stressing out about my fiancés job situation though. He quit his job to take a job driving a truck with his best friend of 15 years. They leased this semi truck and took off, well after three weeks of it his best friend has decided to quit. He can’t pay the 800 dollar a week truck lease payment on his own. Some best friend to leave somebody hanging like that. Of course I knew deep down from the start it was a terrible idea but I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to be the nagging girlfriend. The only good thing is that he can turn the truck back in and not be financially responsible for it. (I did make sure of that before I agreed for him to do this) I know that trucking jobs are a dime a dozen these days, but the fact that he was off work a couple weeks before starting training with the lease company, and has only worked a month and now he will be off again until he can train with another company. Not to mention it makes him look like he is job jumping. I know it will work out but I am a worrier!

Blessed

2005-11-11T01:52:00.000-06:00

A new patient told me this the other night. “When I was thinking about nursing homes, somebody told me that if I came here, that I would love (my name here)” I said well that is awfully nice, who said that? She told me and of course with all the patients that come in and out of there on a rehab basis I didn’t remember them. She said then, “they told me, that (my name) makes that place, she is the best, without her it wouldn’t be as good of a place.” Apparently the man was a patient of mine, and the wife told my current patient that she and her husband thought a lot of me. Some days are just ordinary days, and others you hear another affirmation of why it is that you do this. To know that you touched someone enough that they always remember you is such a blessing.

On the other side of this, I heard that a former patient of mine passed away. Of course I would never forget that patient. How could you forget someone so mean, rude and manipulative? I thought to myself well I bet no one goes to that funeral, and then I felt guilty thinking that. I am being honest though, and honesty is what counts right?!

Do you know me?

2005-11-03T03:25:00.000-06:00

Are you concerned about your job safety when you publish your blog posts? I am not necessarily concerned but I have often wondered what the effect would be if a co-worker ran across my little ramblings about life and work. Most days I think I am mostly civilized but then there are those days when I really go on about the stupidest of things. While truthfully I do not believe I post anything that I wouldn’t or haven’t said out loud. That could be left up to the individual opinion though. With age has come this wonderful free feeling of, I really just don’t give a damn. I was once concerned about others impressions of me, but thankfully I have outgrown this crushing confining self depreciating trait. I no longer go to work to make friends, or care if others think I am stupid, ugly, fat, or unlikable. Yes, there is a small hint of it left. I certainly do not want to be thought of as something I am not. But I have learned I cannot control if others think I am something I am not. I have fought the thought all my life that I am stuck up. Others always seem to view me as a snob. Maybe it is that I am quiet at times, and do not make great attempts to suck up to others or stroke their egos. I have enough friends that love and know me to know I’m not. I don’t have to prove it.

Sharing my thoughts here prove to be more helpful to me then anyone else. This is my always constant sounding board. I do not set out to release private information or shed negative light on my employer. But is blogging about patient and work situations a violation of privacy? If it is done correctly I do not think so, but if others came across it that knew me and the situation would I really have been vague enough? I hope so. I cannot say 100% though. There is defiantly a fine line between sharing patient situations and privacy. I do not believe I have ever read any healthcare professionals blog and thought that they crossed the line. Most of us are just that, professionals.

Just as an added security thought here is an interesting link: How to Blog Safely (About Work or Anything Else)

Bird Flu, cat flu, dog flu, flu you!

2005-11-03T03:24:00.000-06:00

I am sick and tired of hearing about the bird flu. Once again the media is attempting to scare us all with their constant reporting of the “worst case scenario” situations. While I do believe it is important to protect individuals from known diseases and teach society how to prevent the spread of infections through basic principals such as hand washing and more active preventions such as vaccinations, scaring people to death is not the way to approach it.

I have the opportunity to work with our county health nurse on occasion and she told me of the very long lines of people lined up for the flu shot this year. If you can remember back to last year at this time the media was bombarding us with terrible news of the lack of flu vaccines. We were going to have the worse flu season ever, with more deaths etc. (We didn’t) She had many people tell her they were getting the flu shot this year, just in case of the bird flu. While her attempts to explain to people that the flu vaccine would not protect them from this, they insisted that it could help and that they wanted it. I do not know when the public became more informed of the steps in protection of the Avian Flu then the county health nurse did, but there were many of them that felt they were.

I hope as a nurse I can take the time to educate myself about this situation, so that in some small way I will be able to ease a friend or neighbors fear that the media has planted. The CDC website is a good place to start. It is the first source I have seen that does not fill the pages with scare tactics to get you to pay attention, and want to keep coming back to so you can learn more of the deadly news, like the major media outlets.

So my link for the day is, you guessed it, The Centers For Disease Control!

Links

2005-11-01T04:30:00.000-06:00

I once liked to share weird, funny, good, interesting and just plain stupid links on one of my old websites, it was received well, and since I have no time for websites anymore then I thought this would be the best place to switch all my links to. Of course you don't have to visit them, or agree with my veiw of them. We all can't like the same thing anyway, if we did the internet would be a boring place, just like life would be. I must warn you though I have a weird sense of humor and what I find hilarious some may find no humor in what so ever. So with that being said here is my first link to share:

http://www.alltooflat.com: Overgrown children pulling off pranks, with less punch then punked, but with more creativity. Unlike Ashton Kutcher (Or now Mr. Demi Moore officially) himself these guys have a little intelligence. Unlike other popular pranksters such as Ashton or god forbid Jackass, these guys manage to pull off their pranks without embarrassment to anyone or damage to personal property. Be sure and check out the post it notes prank and to all my friends beware, I might just have to pull this one myself one day.

Room on the internet?

2005-10-31T23:53:00.000-06:00

As I have said before, I maintain my fathers website for him. I have streamlined this by getting him a digital camera, so he takes pictures of his various antiques and then brings me the camera and I resize and upload them for him etc. He has a big sale coming up and I have already posted 30 something pictures for him this week. My cell phone rang and he asked me this, "Is there anymore room on the internet for more pictures?" After a giggle I explained that yes, as far as I know the internet is not full yet. I shouldn't find it humerous. I suppose in 20 or so years that my children will be laughing at their technically challenged parents.

Ex Co-Workers

2005-10-31T02:01:00.000-06:00

This has always got to me, but tonight I feel like ranting about it! I swear I have worked with every RN, LPN and CNA within driving distance. They filter in and out, some leaving for good reasons, others being fired and others just because they are what we have come to call "gypsies" because they like to roam from work place to workplace. I have nothing against those that leave for a good reason, who can blame anybody for leaving nursing? The work is hard and you are under appreciated by managment and patients to. If I wasn't so lazy I might go back to school myself and get a degree for something else. (Something with payed off holidays and good benefits) Maybe I could be a funeral director, I am tired of the living ones most days. (joking here. calm down lol!)

The former employees that get right thru my skin are the ones that leave and then call our staff in attempts to talk them into leaving also because their new place of employment is so much better. The ones who leave and bad mouth the facility and the ones who seem to place the blame on others as to why they had to leave (the boss is soooo mean, the nurse yelled at me, etc. etc) So if you are one of the above kind of employees mentioned this letter is to you, if not you can probably relate and understand exactly what I am saying.

Dear Former Co-worker,

I am glad you found a new job, based on your previous job performance you are lucky that you did. I am glad that you are much happier then when you graced me with your prescence on a daily basis. I sure miss our friendship. How are things?
As for myself, I am doing great. I no longer spend two hours a night covering the sced. because you called off with that terrible migraine 45 minutes before your shift started. How is your migraines these days? I hope your children are not sick so often also. Is your car running any better? You seemed to be cursed when you worked with me. I mean with your bad head, and sick children and broke down car, you must have been the unluckiest bastard I have ever met. The poor patient care our facility provided, according to you, has also improved since your departure. Seems as if your lack of ability to do two things at once, namly bitch and your job, have been corrected with a new employee in your position.
I am happy you called to tell me how wonderfull things are and the many reasons I should come to join you at this wonderfull place you now work. Your right, it is greener on the other side of that fence. I wanted to thank you for making me feel like shit by staying where I am. I should have known better. I mean if the Director of Nursing stayed on your ass, it is only a matter of time before she gets on mine to. As a matter of fact I think she was getting on my ass today when she walked by me and said hello.
Sincerely Yours , Me

p.s. Please do not call me anymore, especially at work. I do appreciate you calling me on the company phone, so you didn't run up my cell phone minutes, (yes I have a cell phone, your not having the number was defiantly not because I didn't want to talk to you, I mean that is why I go to work, to make friends!) but apparently the way this whole job thing goes is that I get paid by the hour to take care of patients not take personal calls. Who knew? I see what you mean, I wish the managment would get of my ass.

Waste Of Money

2005-10-26T03:28:00.000-05:00

Printing at home is the biggest waste of money one can do for themselves. I do very little printing at home. As part of an agreement for an antique bed frame for my new house, I agreed to print up some flyers for my father (antique auctioneer). I thought I was getting a good deal, print his flyers for him, and be even with him. (He paid 120 something for the wood bed frame). Little did I know I almost ripped myself off. My poor ignored printer has only been printing in green for a good year now. I never print anything, the last thing I printed was directions and I didn't mind the green tone, in fact I kinda like green.

36 bucks and some change is the cost of not both, but one of the little plastic cartridges to make my printer see in color again. I put both in my cart as I shook my head, and realized I didn't come out too far ahead with the bed deal. At the end of the aisle was the same brand printer (Lexmark) I have, but a newer slimer version. Sale price 68 dollars. I then realized that the new slimmer printer came with not one but two cartridges both black and one in all the colors of the rainbow. I am slow with numbers but was fast enough to realize that the true deal in this matter is to replace the two cartridges in my cart with a new Lexmark All in One printer. So I now own an All In One Printer used enough to run out the ink in one cartridge out, and a brand new one. If this is the way it is gonna be then I guess once a year when I have to print something, then I guess I will be buying another new printer. I mean how stupid would it be to only buy the little plastic ink holders when I can get the scanner and all? Matter of fact how stupid is it to print at home anyways?

Sorry for the mindless rambles here, but this disbelief has turned into anger towards printers. Not only did I spend 70 bucks, but I only printed 30 darn flyers and I already have a "low ink warning" symbol. Now if I figure that up the price per printed page is just way too much. I envision a future where printed papers will be a thing of the past.

Memories

2005-10-14T01:46:00.000-05:00

I am a big Oprah fan, like many others, and I took the time tonight to visit her website for the first time and found some “journaling” exercises. I can remember having a teacher in the eighth grade who gave us a “journaling topic” to write on a few days a week, I enjoyed it, although I found myself holding back what I really wanted to say because of my fear that I knew she kept herself busy reading those journals. Now I realize that she was only encouraging us to write. So here is the first of what I hope can not be the last, journaling “exercise” for myself.

Memories.

When you are asked to recall one of your first memories it is harder to do then you would think. I have a lot of memories from my childhood and cannot say that one or the other would be the first one. I cannot recall the age but my first memories recalled were of me and my cousin at home. I now know my cousins were often at my house not because it was just that way, but because my mother became the unofficial dropping point for the parents of children who really didn’t care to deal with their own children, or had something more important to do. Now as an adult myself I cannot imagine bringing children into this world that you do not want to spend time with and nurture. But that’s the way it was my entire childhood. I remember wearing my blue night gown with Strawberry Shortcake on it, sitting at the screen door watching the lighting and jumping at the thunder of a thunderstorm. My mind always curious asked my cousin, “What do you think causes thunder”? She answered “It’s just God’s angels moving the furniture around.” “Oh.” I said, “Wonder if God will be mad when he gets home like mommy is every time somebody moves her furniture around?”

I have tried to forget nothing. At times I have wished I could forget this or that, or a certain him. Age brings wisdom and I am accepting although not forgiving of some memories. Most involving exboyfriends who for one reason or another moved from they were nice and we had a good time list to the people I would like to see suffer list. Some regrets of some I have hurt and other friends and enemies in my lifetime. I have now realized the gift of those memories good and bad. Some memories are still so vivid that even though it has been eight years since high school seem like yesterday. Looking at the stars with a group of friends for hours in the bed of a pickup truck, a simple activity that I can take myself back to and feel the peace and security I had with those friends. On certain nights when the air is right I can take a deep breath and be there again. A feeling of true acceptance and warmth takes over me and I remember how much we loved each other even though none of us were bright enough at the time to cherish the relationship we had. On lonely nights I still want to call up all of them and plan a night out to go out in the country and look at the stars. New wives and husbands would not probably be very receptive to the idea however.

I wish I could remember life before life, the time before I was born. Where was I? Heaven? Hell? Nothing? A piece of dust in space? Did I exist somewhere? Sure it would take all the mystery out of dying but I wouldn’t mind that so much. No religion I have ever studied has given me the knowledge of life after death. Religion has been mostly a joke to me in the past years and even when I considered myself a certain religion was not ever completely satisfied with the answer I was given about dying. I am very conflicted in the religion department these days and am getting frustrated with it. Which leads me to the question I ask myself of why I even want one in the first place.

So if you want to try this on your own here is the starter questions for you!
My very first memory is:
I have tried to forget:
I wish I could remember:

OutLoud!

2005-09-29T02:35:00.000-05:00

No I havn't fallen off the face of the planet. I hate when real life gets in the way of "online life".

My house is slowly resembling a house. At the rate the work is moving, I may get to move in by christmas if I am lucky. I knew from the beginning that all the excited people willing to jump in and get it done would soon fade and I would be left with this frustration of where is everybody at. I should have come off of my tight self and hired somebody in the first place. But then again I am thrilled that I have managed to keep the costs down well enough that I have only spent half my money and have bought everything for 75% of the work.

I hate when people go on and on about why their kids are wonderfull, and why I often treat my little brother as my own I will keep this short and quick. I am so proud of him. To see a 13 year old kid who was kicked out of the public school system for "terroristic threatening" (another story in itself that I will spare you) turn into a Straight A college student that has not only managed to stay on the Deans list, but is working as a police cadet and now also as an assistant to the k-9 unit is pretty amazing. Although the fact that he has already managed to have a gun pulled on him, and broken up a gang riot in the first months of it is scary. We have managed to bond on another level though. He told me he finally understood my mentality. He said when he came upon a broken ankle his first thought was no longer, that must hurt, or poor guy it was "A broken Ankle?!! Well now I have an hours worth of paperwork I ain't getting off on time tonight!"

The new season of Lost is finally here!! I am so addicted it is almost sad. Especially when you take in to account that I have never been addicted to any type of TV. I have wondered at times why I even own one. I owe my friend for this addiction, so a big thanks to him for passing along the entire first season to me that he downloaded and became addicted to. My entire family has since joined in on this addiction. I love him and hate him all at the same time for sharing his pirated TV show with me.

My Good Deed for the Day

2005-09-15T04:36:00.000-05:00

I am in no way bragging here, but I often feel elated when I get to help others. Our administration decided to do some house cleaning today. Our Director of Nursing greeted me when I got to work proudly with the fact that our Oxygen storage room that resembled a maze previously now had open space. That in itself thrilled me because now I do not have to take the chance of breaking an ankle reaching for an oxygen tank. Now maybe us nurses will actully pull the tanks off in a row, instead trying to pull only from the front, causing a domino effect of oxygen tanks. This room which had become a depository of unused walkers, wheelchairs, IV poles, and some other things I couldn't even see has beige tile. I now know that.

This led to a pile of wheelchairs that were not needed. I guess in the happiness that related to disocvering the floor of the room the director piled these wheelchairs next to the dumpster to be picked up with the trash. After a trip out to smoke I noticed the chrome wheels gleaming in the sun and it hit me, why our we throwing away perfectly good usable wheelchairs? I related this to another nurse and we formulated a plan. We got on the phones and called everyone we could think of. We reached the VFW, who was thrilled with the donation and promised they would be distributed to Veterns that could not afford to buy one. A church received some, and a local charity that caters to senior citizens also promised us they would be given to seniors who needed them.

I have had an emotional high all evening. Just knowing that we saved these wheelchairs and someone will get to use them that needs them warms me up.

I am a nurse to!

2005-09-13T03:11:00.000-05:00

I am still quite angry about what happened the other night and really I shouldn't be. But I am. We sent a patient to the ER that had taken a pretty good fall for complaints of knee pain. Of course it didn't take an expert to know she had a fracture. The inability to touch the foot, let alone attempt range of motion summed it up. About three hours later I get a call from the ER nurse with report. Being that our facility is carpeted and thankfully our administration strives to have clean surroundings, the carpet is cleaned almost daily. So while the maintence department was running a very loud carpet steamer I tryed to take the call. This is what I heard:

Ernurse: "We---admit-----fracture."

me: "Your're admitting pt. ABC with a fracture?"

Ernurse: "No----right."

Me: "I am sorry they are cleaning carpets in here I can't hear a thing! Hold on a minute and let me switch phones."

Me: "Ok I can hear now I am sorry"

Ernurse: I SAID WE ARE ADMITTING PT ABC WITH A RIGHT SPIRAL FRACTURE, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THAT IS A VERY SEVERE FRACTURE? GEEZ...

Me: "Thanks for calling." Click.

First of all, I took the same classes, same exams, same clinicals to obtain the same degree as her. Second of all I would think after all of that I would know what a spiral fracture is...geez.

I will get over it, I shouldn't let small things get to me. It just reminded me of the same question I am asked over and over through the years, "your a nurse? A real nurse? and you work in the nursing home? why?" I have come to the answer to sum it up pretty well, that I love it and thank God for people like me that do, or who would do it. If I had never worked in a nursing home, I would have never wanted to be a nurse in the first place. I realized early on that I could not make a decent living at the wage of a nursing assistant even though thats what I wanted to do, so I got my degree to have a stable, good paying (nursing homes pay on the average 2-3 dollars more an hour then hospitals here) career.

I am only usually asked this or get that attitude from non-medical workers, it just hurts sometimes when it comes from someone who should know.

Please Put Mr. Moore out of his misery.

2005-09-11T04:39:00.000-05:00

Someone please put Michael Moore out of his misery. So the guy had a point in Bowling For Columbine, however he seems to now think it is ok to produce a documentary in the style of attacking all others that do not agree with him. We are all entitled to our opinions and our own view that is the magic of human interaction, I tell you mine and you share yours. We learn from each other this way. However this is not the problem I have with Mr. Moore at the moment . Michael Moore is rumored to be considering a documentary about the government response to the Katrina disaster. I hope that we as a country will not view this and let Michael Moore gain a penny from a disaster that has affected so many. I checked out his website, hoping I could find some type of promise that any monetary gain from such a documentary would be given to the hurricane relief. But apparently Mr. Moore is just as greedy as he accuses the president and others of being.

Not one person should benefit from this disaster except the people who suffered in it. Of course lots of people will.

What can I say

2005-09-07T02:27:00.000-05:00

What can I say about the Hurricane Katrina that has not already been said? Not much. I feel so bad for all the innocent victims (children) that have suffered in all the areas hit. There is something that stops me from feeling too terrible about the adults, they knew it was coming and chose to stay. Yes I say “chose”. Now I am not saying this to produce an argument on my blog, different opinions is one thing, calling me names isn’t, voice opinions if you want. I feel bad that some people could not for whatever reason leave, but the ones that felt they could ride out the storm I have no pity for. That is ignorance, ‘nuff said. I also feel terrible for those who stayed and those who left that have lost everything. I cannot even begin to imagine where you would start to get from point A to point B when there is no point A to begin with. I know that people will once again rise above this tragedy and move on. People are strong in that way. What is it with these people that refuse to leave? Stupidity or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the only thing that comes to mind. There are a lot of stupid people around us all it seems most days.

Our president has made the statement that he will look into this, see why the lack aide happened. This to me is ridiculous. Yes we do need to know why it happened, but I am sure that our wonderful president will find a way to spin it so that he is not to blame. I am sure the burden will be placed on others, shit rolls downhill and seeing as he is at the top of the ladder he will be the one throwing it. I guess I cannot complain, I didn’t vote. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I personally felt that we had no good choice and seeing as my ballot would not contain a box marked “other” I stayed home. I couldn’t stand either one of them, neither was qualified and not one man had an original idea. I knew this wonderful country that was built upon the backs of mine and yours ancestors was going to lose until the next election no matter who was elected. But all those people needed was water and the same administration that can drop a missile at will cannot get water to the ones who need it. Murder comes to mind when I think of placing blame.

House Pictures

2005-08-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

When I say I have been working hard and that I have a lot of work left to do, I mean it. Here is some "before" pictures of my house. If I ever get to the "after" I will post those pictures to. The pictures are backwards from the order I meant them to be in, Flikr posted them that way.

Kitchen Floor

2005-08-29T23:57:00.000-05:00

Kitchen Floor,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

This is the result of rats behind the kitchen cabinets. The stuff is at least 4 inches thick.

Kitchen Now

2005-08-29T23:56:00.001-05:00

Kitchen Now,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

The kitchen after we pulled all the cabinets down.

Master Bedroom Floor

2005-08-29T23:56:00.000-05:00

Master Bedroom Floor,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

The master bedroom, next to the main bathroom floor is also water damaged as you can see.

Main Bathroom

2005-08-29T23:55:00.000-05:00

Main Bathroom,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

This one is not quite as bad as the first one, however it smells just as bad. The entire floor is so waterdamaged that the floor would likely fall through with much weight.

Small Bathroom Toilet

2005-08-29T23:54:00.000-05:00

Small Bathroom Toilet,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

You would think that this house had been abandoned for quite sometime. The truth is, it was only empty about six months. I don't know who would sit down on that thing.

Small Bathroom

2005-08-29T23:53:00.000-05:00

Small Bathroom,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

Here is the small bathroom. I havn't got the courage to actully go into it yet. The smell is bad enough, I really don't want to know whats lurking in there.

My Kitchen

2005-08-29T23:41:00.000-05:00

My Kitchen,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

Here is is my little kitchen. The picture does not show how bad it really is.

Iraq's Unseen War

2005-08-29T01:58:00.000-05:00

These photos give you a glimpse into the real war, the one that isn't played out over and over on tv. I am in the middle on the war, while I believe that since it is started it cannot be stopped all of a sudden, but we shouldn't have went to war in the first place. With all of our intelligence and technology the US cannot find Bin Laden dragging his dialysis machine through the desert, but they can find two pot plants growing on somebodys two acres. (I heard that somewhere can't remember where, but I really thought it summed things up)

These photos are pretty graphic so if you don't like that kind of stuff then don't visit this site.
Here it is.

I own a house!

2005-08-26T02:50:00.000-05:00

I have finally become a full fledged adult and bought my first house! I closed on Wednesday and let out a sigh of relief with it being over. I have experienced a list of emotions with this whole house deal, the anxiety has since been replaced by an overwhelmed feeling. As I stood in my front “lawn” that could adequately could be described as a forest, the knowledge of all the work ahead hit me like a rock. Entering the back yard was more overwhelming as I observed that the forest gives way to a large tangled jungle. We tackled the forest today and did quite well until my fiancée mowed down a basketball left behind by the previous obvious non owning mower family. If updates are few in this thing, just know I am slowly working my way out of my jungle.

The arguing and bickering between me and my fiancé is beginning as we argue the best way to start, where to spend how much where etc. Not too mention that he believes that he can finish the entire job in a week. I know it will be a month at the least but you cannot convince a man of this.

On top of it all, though I am extremely excited. The work is only a small price to pay.

Retail Therapy

2005-08-21T03:21:00.000-05:00

Retail Therapy, is probably not the most effective form of therapy, but its effects are almost effective. I don’t use it often, I have learned restraint from spending money on things I do not need. But every once and awhile it does feel good. I splurged on myself for a whole eighteen dollars and bought myself a wonderfully cute pair of pajamas. As I sit here typing in front of the ac (Indiana’s humidity is awful, something I have not quite ever readjusted to since living in California’s dry desert heat) I feel pretty happy wearing my new pajamas.

Work was a little different tonight as I kept expecting to run into the employee that passed away. The work staff is cut in half on the weekends, and she happened to be on my weekend. I found myself thinking gee I haven’t even run into…then I remembered that I won’t anymore. Sometimes I don’t feel human when it comes to death. Maybe all nurses have developed this numbing put it in the back of your mind, I just can’t let myself really care attitude about it. I feel shameful not being upset when someone passes away. But I guess it is a good thing that I have been able to do that, at least I can hold it together to inform families of a relative’s death. I have found that the joy and worth of the person’s life is what I remember anyway, not the fact that they died. That attitude is easy to take on when you work with geriatric patients. But it is different when it is someone who expected to go home, sleep and come back to work tomorrow.

Have you ever wanted to go somewhere that is completely off limits to the public so bad that you tell yourself that one day you will no matter what? Oh you don’t, sorry I guess I am a little crazy! Lol. I have a hobby that most people would find weird, crazy, nutso or just plain stupid. I like to “ghost hunt”. For those of you that did not close my blog at this point, let me explain. Ghost hunting is not like “ghostbusters”. I don’t have a particle buster and I do not drive an “Ectomobile”. But on occasion you might find me and a group of friends in a rumored haunted place just being nosey. Basically we go to a place that is supposedly haunted, and see if we see or hear anything. This hobby all started innocently enough. As of date, all the rumored haunted places are just rumors. We have never encountered a ghost, we have had a couple weird experiences though. It is simply just something to do, to be out and about with friends and who knows maybe one of these days we will see a ghost. However one of the most interestingly rumored haunted places is Waverly Hills TB Sanatorium in Louisville, Ky. There have been many reports of the haunting (just type into the name into google and you will find plenty of them) and unfortunately it is private property. Private property with security twenty four hours a day. But I have been given an opportunity to explore the old Sanatorium with a ghost group from OH. My excitement has been given a quick kick in the ass though; it is scheduled for my weekend to work. Getting a day off on your weekend to work is almost impossible. I will have to work this out.

So if anybody else might be interested in this type of activity, feel free to visit my ghost website. It's Here.If your interested or if you just want to go visit to check out my sanity level.

Life Cycles

2005-08-20T00:56:00.000-05:00

I got the news today that a co-worker passed away this morning. I have been a little shocked since. At 57, she was not young, but she defiantly wasn’t old. Her death has made me realize today that you cannot count on being here tomorrow. We spend all of our days working long hours and neglecting things we should not just to make a few more bucks to put in the bank. We save for retirement because we need to, but we forget we may not live until retirement. Maybe a little of those savings can be used now. We could take a vacation with our families and friends or take a day off from work to spend some time doing the things we put off until tomorrow or next year. It doesn’t seem fair when someone that is caring, good and loving is taken from the world that we know. I often wonder why it is that the “good ones” are taken and the child molesters are left behind. But then I realize that this is the cycle of life and no matter how shocking or upsetting it is, we have no control over it. Acceptance of it seems impossible but somehow we have to accept what we cannot change. The last thing she said to me was this: “Well I will see you later, maybe one day I will win the lottery, so I can work only when I want to!” “Me to”, I said. “Goodnight.” Her words are a little haunting to me now, maybe she did win her lottery? R.I.P. our friend.

Fulfilled

2005-08-19T03:23:00.000-05:00

Wow! Now you can use Microsofts Word to publish your blogger pages, neat.

In other news, I realized today that I was smiling for no apparent reason. Maybe I have finally found the right medication for my depression. I have been depressed for about 8 years now. I have tried various medications that I would take for a while and then eventually stop taking them. Most likely due to the fact that I could not tell much difference in my moods. Not too mention that most antidepressants are loaded with side effects. The first day I started this new medicine I could tell a difference. I know you are not supposed to feel a difference, but I swear I did. At about two hours after the first dose, I felt a heavy fog (the best way to put it into words) lift off of me. Now that I am into the sixth week of therapy when the medicine is supposed to be fully in effect, I know that it is working. My boyfriend also noticed the difference; he told me so tonight when I relayed to him that for the first time in years I feel happy and fulfilled. Fulfilled is never a word that has come to my mind when I would try to describe my life.

I hate Goodbyes...

2005-08-08T03:14:00.000-05:00

Today has been a little sad. My "little" brother set off for some kind of police training camp. I guess you do not consider 20 little anymore but even though we are not that far apart in age, he is still my little brother. It is weird how when I know he is not coming home I get depressed a little. It is different when he is at a friends over night or something, he will be home tomorrow. I shouldn't be the way I am over him. Maybe it is because he spent so much of his life sick that I feel over protective. At some point there we actually thought that he might not come home from the hospital. I think the thought of losing him made me realize how lucky I was when I didn't.

I bought Stephen Kings Rose Red tonight because it was only 5$ and it looks scary enough. Seeing as I am so obsessed with ghosts, paranormal etc. I love scary ghostly movies. It would be better if it were true though. Although I was reading that Stephen King based the story on the long rumored haunted Winchester Mansionin San Jose, California. He first saw the story of the house in one of the Ripley's Believe it or Not comics when he was a kid and remembered it for years after. According to Believe it or Not, Oliver Winchester, who invented the famous repeating rifle that won the west, left a daughter-in-law with a belief in Spiritualism when he went to his reward. At one seance, Sarah Winchester asked the medium, When will I die? The medium replied, When your house is done. The Winchester house was never really completed and construction continued on it around the clock until Sarah Winchester died. (from Prairie Ghosts) So I hope it scares me just a little. I don't get scared too easily though.

If your into ghost stories I do recommend Unsolved Mysteries Ghosts. I watched it like a crazy person in my dark bedroom right before bed, and it was a little hard to fall asleep after some of the stories. The renactments of the stories is very realistic and their ghosts look too real. Of course I am not trying to sell anything here! lol

mindless ramblings

2005-08-05T02:28:00.000-05:00

When you live in an area that is often associated with redneck, hillbilly behaviors you automatically pick up on those behaviors. Mostly rural areas all probably suffer from this stereotype, some places more then others. On occasion you see situations in these areas that make you realize where those stereotypes come from.

It must be the in thing to do around here, but you can hardly drive through town without seeing several teens driving around in their trucks with their four wheelers strapped in the back. I just don’t get that.

While living in California I was asked constantly where I was from because of my country accent. I was never more embarrassed then when we were at the grocery store and my mother asked a clerk where the “taters” were. I will never forget the look on the clerks face or the people in line to checkout when my mother was asked to repeat it over and over again because no one knew what it was she was talking about. I finally asked for her where the potatoes were for my question to be followed by laughter from the clerk and the people in line. She laughed to, not because she found what she said funny, but because the people there didn’t know what a “tater” was. She then also informed them that they probably didn’t know what a “mater” was either. She was finding some kind of enjoyment teaching those Californians what us country people call tomatoes. I wanted to fall right through the floor, or be abducted by aliens at that very minute. I was thirteen and self conscious enough.

My years in California must have eventually weakened my country accent enough, because by the time we moved back to Indiana I was never asked where it was that I was from. I entered the local highschool and immediately became aware of how bad and almost unintelligible our accent was. I no longer had the accent myself, but I sure could hear everyone elses. It was so bad at times that I would cover my ears and put my head down to try and escape the unintelligible chatter around me. The funniest thing to me was when the kids around me would use the popular slang words. Such as “that’s cool!” Or even swear words. I always wondered if they knew how stupid they sounded.

Last night we were at Taco Bell and there was a group of teenagers in the parking lot. We watched this circus show and laughed heartily at how most of them were dressed in what I would call rappers clothing. As this group of white kids called each other “nigga” and “dawg” with their country accents I once again wondered if they knew how stupid they sounded.

There really is no point to this post, just call it .

StumbleUpon

2005-08-05T01:45:00.000-05:00

I have entertained myself for the last few hours with StumbleUpon. I should find myself something more constructive to do with my time, but not only is it entertaining but easily addictive. I can't wait to see the next site brought up for my pleasure!

Tom Cruise warning: this is a long one

2005-07-28T01:13:00.000-05:00

I usually find that I am way behind the latest celebrity scandal or gossip. Most of the time, I just do not care. After hearing some blurb about Tom Cruise’s statements regarding Brooke Sheilds and her postpartum depression, I had to take the time to look up what exactly it was everyone was talking about. Now I wish I didn’t because all I want to do is hit Mr. Cruise in the head with a large object. . HERE is the complete interview if you are like me and didn’t hear the whole thing somewhere already.

I hate ignorance. I especially hate the type of ignorance that is coupled with arrogance. I have to assume that Mr. Cruises life has not been inflicted with any type of mental illness, or anyone close to him either. But to sit on national TV,. and state that you have “researched” psychiatry and are therefore in the position to make qualified statements to the general public is bird-brained. He mislead many people by making these statements, and I hope that one of his fans did not fall for his statements and stop taking their medications. I would have to assume by his statements that he has researched this completely which would in my opinion require some kind of college degree. However the facts are Tom Cruise didn’t even graduate high school, let alone college. Brooke Sheilds on the other hand is a Princeton Graduate.

I personally do not consider myself any one specific religion. I believe totally in religious freedom and the right to practice whatever it is you believe. In my opinion humans have no right to preach to one another as to what anyone should believe or think. I do on the other hand have a very strong disgust for some religions that in my mind are more exemplary of a cult than a religion. While I admire Mr. Cruise for putting his beliefs out in the open, I am disgusted by his attitude that his belief is the correct one.
Scientology, the religion Mr. Cruise practices to me is closer to a fairytale then most others. I have noticed that most cults seem to have one thing in common. All of them are founded by some individual that defiantly displays some Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms. The leaders grandiose sense of self-importance, belief that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) and requires excessive admiration. (definition from Mental Help) fits the founder L. Ron Hubbard. This quote made by him in Readers Digest pretty much sums it all up I think, "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion".

I found this website quite humerous: www.tomcruiseisnuts.com

I need more days like this!

2005-07-22T22:51:00.000-05:00

I called off from work today. The stress, not sleeping etc. Was too much. Not too mention that with everything else on my mind this week I forgot to take my meds for two days, which if your not familiar with anitdepressants is not a good thing unless you like the feeling of dizziness, nausea and varied other great symptoms of withdrawal. So with the room spinning and the nausea I just decided that I couldn't do it today. I could not go in with a smile and pretend all is good. I usually only call in a few days a year, so this will be the first this year.

My boss calls. Which at first made me a little nervous, but I figured the worst would be that I was fired. Instead I was surprised to hear of myself getting a two dollar an hour raise! If I would have known calling in is how you get a raise I would have done it much sooner :)

The house loan is for sure. The bank president ok'd it today, and now all I have to do is wait for the title transfers, appraisers, etc. So today I know I am getting a house and thanks to my raise I can pay for it! Maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket tonight.

This should be illegal!

2005-07-22T04:17:00.000-05:00

When I visit a restaurant I normally tip pretty well. Usually over the 15% or whatever it is you are supposed to tip. However I have been known to not tip at all, even once leaving a few pennies. I would only do that if the service was really really bad, or the waiter was very rude. I can think of only three times that I did this. Once was because the waitress brought the food out cold, walked away and never not once filled our empty drinks. She spent the entire time arguing with a co-worker who I assumed was some sort of love affair gone wrong type of thing. I do not take my personal problems to work, and I do not expect anybody else to either. I left her three pennies. You don't find me listing a she*tty pts. List on my blog, afterall that would be illegal. Taking names from credit cards to add to a public list should also be illegal (maybe it is I don't know for sure here). One more reason to use cash and leave those cards in the wallet. If people are dishonest enough to take your name what else are they stealing off of your card? Heres the link: Sh*tty Tipper Database

I need sleep! LOL

2005-07-22T03:33:00.000-05:00

This has been the most anxiety producing week I have had in a long time. I found a house that I just have to have. I made a offer Monday, and to my surprise they took it. The house is in need of a lot of repairs. Basic stuff like new carpet, paint, siding, cabinets, toilets. The floors are all solid and the roof has no leaks which is great. It was a repossessed home and a quick trip to the tax office yielded the current bank that holds it. I nervously awaited the news of my bid for it, and it came Tues. Along with a need for all my credit information. Now this to me is the worst part. A promise I made to my grandfather who cosigned for my first car at 17, that I would always keep good credit, not buy anything on credit I don't need and to not live beyond my means, that I have kept, I shouldn't have any reason to worry. But that's just me. When I talked to my best friend about this I got the same old thing, "Why do you have to be so damned pessimistic, be happy and excited for once damnit"! I still have spent the week tossing and turning, not sleeping and stressing out. Today I got the news that there does not seem to be any reason that the bank cannot finance this for me. Tomorrow I have to go in and take all the proper paperwork and start the whole loan process. I am still stressed some, and still believe that for some reason even though I have been told they don't foresee a problem that the bottom will drop tomorrow and I won't get it. On one hand no big deal I guess, I still have nine acres to build on if I want to, but the waiting...And the stress...God help me! I don't drink but if this is ever over I may start! LOL

Karma

2005-07-16T03:06:00.000-05:00

I wouldn’t call myself too superstisous. I don’t exactly believe something bad will happen if a black cat crosses my path, but I have wished on a few stars. However if I have learned anything working with the elderly, it is plain to me that what you do comes back to you. I am thankful to have learned this through others eyes. I hope that in some way I have spared myself a little by seeing others mistakes. Here are a couple of true examples.

Example number one. A frail aging elderly woman sits all alone in her wheelchair surrounded by art; expensive bedside chairs, beautiful linen, and blocks the sun with drapes that would have cost me a three months salary. Her whole life she has had enough money to do anything she wants. It is obvious the things she chose to do with her time and money benefited her and only her. Her children don’t visit, not one of the four of them. Her husband is dead. I have watched her cry more then once when no one comes for facility dinners when family is invited. I listen when she tells me no one cares. I also listen when others talk. Others that knew her before me. I have heard that her children were raised by a maid. She spent lots of money and time traveling to fancy places, leaving her children with the maid. She spent thousands of dollars taking her beautiful dogs to dog shows. Her children were with the maid. How can I feel sympathy for someone that had no concern in life except for themselves? How can you spend your whole life ignoring your children and feeling sorry for yourself when no one wants to visit you? Although I maintain a level of professionalism, and attempt to provide an answer when she asks me, “Why don’t they care”? I know that she is reaping what she sewed. I don’t hold it against her. In a lot of ways I wish I could thank her for the lesson she has taught me.

Example number two. A young woman wastes her life away partying, hanging out with friends and having numerous men come in and out of her life. At 30 she finds herself with multiple sclerosis and a 10 year old daughter. She is already living in government housing, on welfare and food stamps. Not because she needed those things before she became sick, but because she chose to support her way of life rather then herself and her daughter. Her sister on the other hand, attends college, marries a nice man and has her own children. The young woman finds that her sister is more then willing to help her get on her feet. Not once or twice, but too many times too count. Her daughter, who grows up never seeing her mother ever work at anything but manipulating others to help her out, grows up to also believe that somebody owes her something, just because. She doesn’t work, has two small children, and spends her days calling anyone she can think of to help her out because she has a new emergency. Usually it is money she desperately needs. Between the two of them, they have used up all the people that love them. Me included. I have bought the mother shampoo, soap, cigarettes, McDonalds etc. I always was promised that I would be paid back “at the first of the month”. I never have been. I am a generous person, I would have been happy with an attempt. Even a dollar of the fifty I spent would be a nice start.

And now I have reached my point here. (I know I have a long way of getting there) I hope somebody slaps me if I ever take for granted the people in my life that mean the most.

Lost

2005-07-15T03:38:00.000-05:00

I am so addicted to ABC's Lost. I hate that we were left hanging in the last episode. I just cannot wait until the new season. There are so many ideas as to what is actually occurring on this show everything from that they are truly just lost to that they are actually spending time in some type of purgatory. At this point I do not know for sure what to think. I do believe that it has some kind of evil supernatural, paranormal type activity to the whole situation, but it is hard to draw conclusions to something that has been continued until next season. Whatever the case, I am hooked which is rare, since I normally do not watch TV.

Anyway the point of this post is...I was excited to hear that Lost is up for 12 different Emmy nominations. This tells me that the show will at least continue and not be cancelled, therefore my addiction will be fed.

Top 100 Albums

2005-07-15T01:44:00.000-05:00

Spins top 100 albums of the last 20 years, inspired my own list of my top albums. I will warn you, my top 100 is probably not anywhere close to anyone else out there. I am also not going to list 100! I am not listing them in any type of order. I like many types of music, some a little more mainstream then others.

1. Def Leppard-Hysteria-I happen to own most of Def Leppards albums, but this is the first one I ever owned, and Pour Some Sugar on Me is still a favorite.

2. Goo Goo Dolls-Superstar Carwash-I love the Goo Goo Dolls, I own all of their albums and it is very hard for me to pick just one. But if I had to, this would be it.

3. Blink 182-Blink 182- I own several Blink 182’s albums. This is my favorite.

4. New Found Glory-Nothing Gold Can Stay-I believe that New Found Glory is one of those bands that you like or dislike. I like them.

5. Tori Amos-Little Earthquakes - When I first heard the song “Crucify” I was hooked.

6. Patty Loveless-Mountain Soul-I am not real big on country music, but I love bluegrass music. Especially the older songs that is included on this cd. I have always wanted to learn to play the banjo and violin, these songs feel like home to me. I grew up hearing my grandpa play, unfortunately I got no musical talent in my genes.

7. Ozzy Osbourne-No More Tears-I am not usually an Ozzy fan. I have been guilty of watching the Osbournes reality show, although I think his family is crazy. I feel a little bad watching their crazy life and finding humor in their screwed up life and how stupidly they handle it. But I do like this album.

8. Body Count- This album is violent and full of bad language, but I can’t help it. I love it. If anybody ever wondered if I am crazy this one probably proves it. I once lost a cd case at work, to have my boss find it and have to describe the cds in it to reclaim it. What in the world is Body Count? She asked. I told her well it was a project the rapper Ice T did, and I just like it, Oh she said maybe I should listen to it I might like it, I need to hear some of the music you kids listen to…I was mortified. I knew if she heard that my nursing career might stop right there. I was honest and told her that. She laughed. She didn’t ask to listen to it again.

9. The 80’s Greatest Rock Hits-From The Heart- I have purchased this cd three times. The first two times a friend wanted to borrow it, both friends never returned it they loved it to.

10. Eddie Money Greatest Hits, The Sound of Money- Eddie Money was a little before my time, I don’t know where I first heard this cd. But I do know I have listened to it for a long time. I first owned it on cassette, although cd players were in almost every car, my first car was lacking more modern conveniences then a cd player. I then bought it on cd la few years back.

11. Soul Asylum-Let Your Dim Light Shine-A little different, but was always perfect for my teenage depression.

Quite honestly I could list a 100, but who would want to read it!

Things I am hating today

2005-07-14T02:36:00.000-05:00

I hate spiders. I know they are supposed to be good for controlling the insect population, but I would rather have a million flies in my house then just one spider. I just killed the ugliest spider in my bathroom. It’s body was at least the size of a quarter and its legs made it seem even bigger. It was brown with some kind of design on its abdomen. I tried looking it up, the closest thing I could find was a brown widow. Great, a poisonous spider, I hope he didn’t bring his friends with him.

I hate Conan O’Brien. Other people must not find him as repulsive as me, because he seems to be quite popular. I just can’t figure out why that is. I hate his hair for one, I can’t stand to look at it. All he needs is a pair of shorts and a Metallica tee shirt, dye his hair blonde and he would be the live version of Butthead. He is not funny. The only humor I can find in him is that he thinks he is funny. They should have give Adam Sandler The Tonight Show, then I would watch. Adam Sandler is funny. Of course I am sure many others have their own opinions, this is my two cents worth.

Just felt like sharing things I hate today.

I almost forgot!

2005-06-26T04:17:00.000-05:00

Most days I go to work and perform the many duties associated with work. Other days were like tonight, when I had a Oprah moment. I have worked in the same place for years. I have taken care of many of the same people everyday. While others I can't remember their names (it is a rehab facility). One patient who has been there for the last few years and has some mental retardation but on the other hand is one of the most intelligent human beings on the planet, said "I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to get a big head." I smiled and said that it was probably to late for that too happen. She giggled and said, "I only feel at home when you are here." I smiled and thanked her. What else could I really say? She then got that child like giggle she has, and made me promise not to tell "the other nurses".

-one more note- I really need to start spellchecking this thing. I was reading some past entries because I didn't realize someone had made a comment, and some of my posts are really really bad. I am going to try to do better then that. As it appears it would be a fair question for someone to wonder if i actully did graduate college.

Supreme Court decision on Eminent Domain

2005-06-26T03:53:00.000-05:00

As everyone else as outraged about this as me? One more reason Canada is looking better all the time. I can see the use of property for roads, but for business? It is just wrong. It is already happening in Texas, "Freeport officials instructed attorneys to begin preparing legal documents to seize three pieces of waterfront property along the Old Brazos River from two seafood companies for construction of an $8 million private boat marina." (Here is the full article). So I guess in this great country of ours, you know the land of the free type thing that people once believed in and gave their lives for, we are going to allow this. I suggest that we boycott any business that uses this practice to manipulate their own situation. I don't own much, but I do own nine acres of my own heaven full of trees, wildlife, and a creek. I work hard everyday to buy the things I want (yeah one day I will actully have a house in the middle of it lol) and in a matter of a few peices of paperwork anybody that wants my land for a business can have it? I just decided, I wnat the land those Supreme Court Judges live on. i would like to build a Quickie Mart. A Quickie Mart would benefit other citizens a lot better then those million doller homes they lay their heads down in? I mean wouldn't it be more beneficial tome and others to have the oppertunity to get a slurpee when I wanted one then to drive across town? I think so.

40lbs down...

2005-06-20T06:08:00.000-05:00

Nursing school wrecked havoc on me in the weight department. i went from eating out every once in awhile to eating out for most meals. I gained about 80lbs and have been miserable ever since. My under active thyroid does not help the situation, and the fact that although I am well aware of the dangers I never take my pills. I came to a conclusion that although I only eat twice a day on a good day, I was doing something to maintain this weight. it never dawned on me that it might be the fast food until I watched "Super Size Me" and watched the poor guy balloon up after only eating McDonalds for 30 days. I sat down 3 months ago and figured up my calorie intake for that day. My usual meal of a crispy chicken and large fries were more calories then anybody needs in one day. Not too mention that I usually eat around 6 pm and so by the time I get home at 12 am or so that I usually grabbed soemthing, chips, a sandwich or whatever else might be convient, that I was eating usually 3000 calories a day (figuring in my Moutain Dew). If you would take a look at the amount of food I was eating, it really wasn't that much. So not only have I saved money by quitting fast food I have lost weight with very little effort. What I mean by that is no more activity then I normally do. I recently wore a pedometer to work just see how many miles I walked in a average day. I was suprised that I walk about 7-8 miles at work alone in eight hours, not a whole lot but I ain't sitting around etheir. So I now purchase meals to take to work with me. nothing special usually Hot Pockets, Healthy Choice meals, or something along those lines. I now am usually hungry when I get off work probably due to the fact that my calorie intake has dropped so much during the evening, that I fill myself up with a good bowl of soup when I get home. My favorite this week is Chicken Noodle and a grilled cheese sandwich. I now drink Diet Mountain Dew on occasion but have developed an almost obsession with Aquafina's flavor splash water in Rasberry and would choose that over just about any food! Popcorn is my snack item instead of chips and fresh fruit is my dessert if I want one. I never knew I could eat so much and stay under 1200 calories (which is my daily goal). The only fast food I eat now is Subway. I can't beleive how many calories is in those huge subs. Nothing when compared to a McDonalds meal. So anyways, if you have not seen Supersize Me, you should. It will open your eyes. Especially if you are struggling with your weight. I can't even explain the feeling of when you pull something out of the closet that you havn't been able to wear for years and it fits or fits better.

Monday...

2005-06-06T03:05:00.000-05:00

I am so dreading the next few weeks of work. If I didn't have any bills (yeah like who doesn't right) I would honestly not even show up. For those of you not in the healthcare field, and even those of you that are, but have not worked in long term care, staffing on a daily basis can go from nothing to too much in a matter of weeks. In a small rural area the pool of workers is small so it can take days...Weeks or months to find one person that can perform at a decent level. Leaving a situation like I am now facing. Just last week all was great. With the loss of some employees over last week once again we have too little staff. I have never took on the roll that a lot of nurses do (at least 45% around here) that I am above any type of patient care that involves sh*t, vomit, pee, you know the gross stuff. I am willing to jump right into this mess, do my part in keeping things going. But tomorrow unless by some miracle of greatness I will be taking care of 40 patients with one nursing assistant to get up, put to bed, feed, clean, dress, take to the bathroom etc. I could handle this if I have one hardworking assistant, I could easily pull half the load of the get up, put to bed, feed, clean, dress, take to the bathroom. But the assistant sced. To work with me cannot handle a 1/4 of this load. So therefore I have pretty much ruled that this is next to impossible and I feel sick. The stress of feeling overwhelmed has already settled in the pit of my stomach and I want to kick myself hard enough to cause some type of injury that would at least leave me unable to perform any type of work. It will be weeks before someone can be trained and placed so that I won't have to do this. Maybe I should be optimistic that by some magic the situation will be fixed for the evening and I will actually be able to pass medications out. But I don't see that happening. I know that every profession right down to the local McDonaldas nights when they work short. Its not the working short in itself that gets me, its the fact that one moment of craziness and I could make a mistake that would harm a person or even kill them. I keep telling myself that miracles do happen and that I should try and sleep tonight, at least my mistake would then not be caused from lack of sleep.

FRONTLINE: watch online

2005-06-01T04:38:00.000-05:00

I have been spending way too much time over at the pbs website watchingFrontline. I love any true story no matter what it is about. They always leave some time for you to stop and think, hey maybe I don't have it so bad afterall. Although I had to wonder what possessed me to be watching "Memory of the Camps" about the concentration camps all by myself at 3 in the morning. The saddness of the film penetrates your soul. "The New Assylums" gives you a whole new outlook on prison life. It was amazing how many times I immediatly picked up on the inmates mental illnesses. The documentary basically states how the shutdown of mental hospitals in Ohio has turned the prison system into a assylum. It brought me to one of the biggest political issues that people seem to ignore. Maybe because I live near some of the bigger mental hospitals in the state and the fact that one has had to shut their doors this year saddens me. A while back I had the opportunity to care for a patient from the hospital that was shutting down. After that experience I drew some very strong conclusions. The patient was very young (25 I believe) and had spent most of his entire life at the hospital. Born with a major heart defect that prevented oxygen to his brain he had the mentality of maybe a five year old boy that could form very few words to make himself understood. At the time in order to continue to decrease the funding provided by the state, the section of the hospital that actully provided more hospital type services like IV medications and care of Central Lines (An IV catheter into one of the largest veins deep inside the body), he was sent to our facility for the administration of his antibiotics via the central line. Along with him came crews of two staying with him in his room 24 hours a day. They basically held him down so I wouldn't get slugged when I was starting his meds. He threw tremendous temper tantrums and would become violent and throw furniture etc. His caregivers were there more or less to prevent as much damage to our staff and furniture as possible. We did have one incident where he managed to get a trash can and shatter it when he threw it at the wall. His caregivers made the statement to me that has always stuck with me. "It is hard to just let him be himself here, all of his furniture is bolted to the floor at home." Hmm...at home. He turned out to be a very sweet "kid" actully. All of the nurses formed somekind of a bond with him over the four weeks he was with us. He drew us pictures of yellow suns, red hearts and rainbows. He would become very upset if we did not take them and became very proud when his caregivers took him for his afternoon walk and he would see his pictures taped to the nursing station. I often find myself wondering what happened to him? Where is he now that his "home" is closed? Did the state place him into one of the many group homes that have popped up around because they are cheaper to maintain? How in the world does someone care for him properly in a group home setting? (Although I am 99.9% sure he wasn't placed in a group home surely) My main thought has always been I want to take this poor child and place him into a room at the capitol with all those politicians that feed us their good will and charm at election time, lock the door and leave. One out burst and maybe they would see the errors in their ways.

Another scary thought. The caregivers also discussed with me a patient that was known to be very functional in society most of the time and then he would snap. At these moments he would have some kind of episode in a public place and be brought back for treatment. He didn't believe he was sick and would stop taking his meds upon release. He would often attempt to "break out" of the hospital, and although it would be a short lived jaunt into the parking lot, he would manage to break out several employees car windows during his great escape. These are the kinds of people our politicians think will be ok outside of a hospital? I just don't get it. People shouldn't have to go to prison to get treatment. The state of healthcare in our country leaves very few options for people without health insurance. It is like our society is walking down a long tunnel and one day when we reach the end and see the light it will be too late. The mentally ill will walk our streets, homeless, scared and with noone to care for them...Just my two cents worth.

I am going to start mowing my lawn at 2am

2005-05-23T03:16:00.000-05:00

Although I didn't mean it to be that way, this blog has taken on the role of place to come and bitch. But this deserves to be bitched about. Sunday mornings mean to most Americans a day off from work. Time for church etc. However to my redneck neighbors Sunday mornings approx. 6-7am means time to fire up the lawnmower and finish that deck. I awoke to a loud chainsaw, then repeated hammering. Soon there after another redneck awakens and decides its time to mow the lawn. Now I'm all for nice neat mowed lawns. However 7am on a sunday morning is a little excessive. It is bad enough that the house next door has one redneck man, but his son lives there also and seems to consider himself quite handy. A highschool dropout that spends his days working on his camaro in the drive that I do not believe will go down the road but only has the ability to go "VROOM...VROOM....VROOOOOM in the driveway. I have vowed to get myself a handy light and attach this to the mower. Since I work night shift, I think I will start mowing my lawn at 2am. Since technically this is my afternoon. Maybe if I can keep the rednecks up late with me then I can get some sleep around here in the mornings.

Ape?

2005-05-20T04:29:00.000-05:00

ape,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

I don't think this is an Ape..but it is still one of my favorites from the zoo!

duck

2005-05-20T04:27:00.000-05:00

duck,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

Taken at Cincinnati Zoo April 2005.

Forgotten Blog

2005-05-20T04:02:00.000-05:00

I seem to once again forgotten that this thing existed. Maybe because I know no one wants to hear what it is I have to say. You can only complain about work, co-workers, family, life in general so many times without becoming annoying. But I will complain about one thing that I am sure most everyone can relate to. I hate liars. I hate people that assume they know how to screw with other people. I do like that most people that are this way generally turn out to be much more ignorant then myself. Not that I am bragging by any means, just that it just usually works that way. Life lesson if you are one of these people (liar, trouble maker, b*tch, etc): You should take some effort to find out if the person your screwing with has more brains then you. You might that you started something you do not want the other person to step in and finish for you. Just a little thought here.

Work...What else can I say about it. Another day, more stress. Although I must admit it has been pretty nice around work lately. Besides the fact that I am not a good person to put into the position of making sure others do their jobs. I hate to have to discipline someone. It makes me sick to my stomach. I generally have the attitude that if your an adult, then you do not need a babysitter. I have enough to do and quite honestly I don't get paid well enough to make sure you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. But that's how life goes. Theres always someone that seems to think that even though when they signed up for a job and was told this is what you do, failed to think that meant that was what they do. Mind boggling to say the least.

Finally made my longtime thought about purchase of a really nice digital camera more then a thought. I bought this Canon S70. So far I am impressed with the pictures I have took, but also disappointed. Not in the camera itself. I am sure it can do many great things. But I am learning pretty fast that it is defiantly not a point and shoot kind of camera. I need to spend some time on learning how to use it. I was so excited when we visited the zoo and found these wonderful fake waterfalls. I couldn't wait to take those awesome photos where the water is falling over the rocks, blurred and serene looking. Somewhere along the way I have only learned how to slow the shutter speed down. It never occurredddd to me that I also needed to learn how to set the light speed, or whatever it is called. So needless to say my picture was all white. I did take a couple with the pre-set settings that turned out fairly well. I will post a couple of my favorites in a minute.

2005-04-03T04:24:00.000-05:00

I have not commented on my blog at all about Terri Schiavo, simply because it seems to provoke arguments. But working in healthcare I have to say something. First and foremost put down all of your wishes in writting to save your family from this horrible decision that they would have to make. If anything is learned from this then I hope that is it. I have not followed all of the specifics on the case for one good reason in my eyes. It just makes me so damn mad! I am mad for all of the other patients I have dealt with in my career where families have decided that the best interest of the person is to have their feeding tube removed and not one memeber of the media found it to be cruel or "starvation" when the person is geriatric or the family is not arguing. You cannot blame the courts, judges, lawyers governers and presidents for this etheir, they did their jobs. It is the LAW. Your next of kin can and will make healthcare decisions for you if you cannot. The only way I can see for the family to have a right to question a husband is if there was a living will and he was going against it. Now personally I don't know anything about her husband and I have read some of the media reports of how he is this or that, and truthfully that is between him and God. This happens daily in this country and the whole country takes sides and voices their opinions just because the media latched onto it. That amuses me. How much does society really care if it takes a news report to bring out the protestors? What about the 65 year old lady I cared for last year that could talk, communicate basic needs such as pain and thirst but not have enough skills to make any decisons or understand them? Where was the media? My personal belief is that the husband did the right thing, but we all have our personal beliefs. Thank God we live in a country that you have the right to have that personal belief. Thank God we have the right to decide if we want to live or die when we are forced to only have nutrition via a tube. Shame on those ignorant protestors that stood outside of a Hospice Center where I am sure other pts. were living out their last days in a chosen way of dying peacefully and were disturbed by their loud mouths. We should be grateful that we have such an excellent Hospice service in this country. no one should have to die in pain and our wonderful hospice nurses make sure we don't. One last note: if anyone of those ignorant protestors actully suceeded in giving Terri a drink of water then they would have done nothing but given her aspiration pneumonia. Contrary to popular media reports Terri also did not starve. Dehydration would have come before starving. Feel free to look up the effects of dehydration on the dying pt. It has found to be a comfortable euphoric state.

Butterfly Effect

2005-03-06T03:28:00.000-06:00

I just watched The Butterfly Effect again. I have it listed as one of my favorite movies, and it still is. I am not fond of the theatrical ending, but the directors cut ending. The movie is old enough now that I am sure I will not spoil the ending for anyone, but in case you havn't seen it and want to, stop reading now. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Not because of destiny but because of the effects from other people, other decisions made by others and our very own decisions. How many times in life do you hear ourselves thinking what if? What if I wouldn't have left 10 minutes later I would have been a bad accident, what if that other person decided to call a ride instead of drive drunk and not plow into an innocent person on their way home from work? As much as we would like to deny it, our lives are not controlled by us in a lot of ways, but by others. Each of our lives our woven together, each of us affecting the other. I love to ponder these type of questions, the ones that really have no answer. It is amazing to me how connected the human race is at times and to me this movie brings it to the surface. To stop and think how our lives would be diffrent if we would have chosen other paths. How they would be diffrent if the people we depend on and love where not born. Watching the charecters lives in this movie change based on their contacts and experiences with the one charecter that has the ability to go back and try to change things for the better is amazing. We all have regrets of some kind even if it is only small ones. The school yard bully may have changed some children into stronger people, or crushed others that did not recover. A kind gesture from you might have affected someone in a profound way. The what ifs in life amaze me. As the main charecter finds out that changing one incident changes everything and determines that killing himself before being born is the best effect for the others in the movie (I love how the movie ties itself together this way, leaving you with the feeling that there were other souls with the ability to travel back and change things and then decide to not be born from the main charecters mothers statement that she had previous stillborns).

Stupid People

2005-03-02T03:49:00.000-06:00

This week has brought to me a lot of anger towards others. I will never understand the mentality of why some (in this case a coworker) feels like they actually gain anything by becoming an instigator for drama. I know that this person has a very controlling husband and the only place she gains any self satisfaction is by creating a center of attention upon them. I guess negative attention is just as effective as positive. Although I should feel pity for her because obviously she is lacking a loving nurturing relationship with her home life, I don’t. It really is quite the opposite. I feel like maybe her husband should do a little more controlling, because she just sucks at life. I have no pity for anyone that involves themselves in this type of home life, and then tries to use others to gain what they are lacking. In my eyes this is a personal problem. However when you bring it to work you involve me. I go to work to work, not to make friends or socialize. I really don’t care if you like or dislike the company you work for. Talking about quitting does nothing, just quit and get over it. Trust me the general opinion is that you will not be missed. So go over to the greener pasture and quit shitting in ours.

Which brings me to my next frustration for this week this far? I do not understand why anyone would allow themselves to be manipulated. I could see falling for it once or twice, but isn’t the third time the last. I have heard the excuse of the person being manipulated that “I give up let her do what she wants!” But when the person is manipulating you for their own benefit, isn’t giving up exactly what they wanted in the first place? They win. I say push back. People like this will only continue to take advantage of you if you are stupid enough to let them.

Grand theft Auto

2005-02-23T03:45:00.000-06:00

I am not a player of video games, if you catch me playing one it is Tetris, which I can play for hours, or maybe a racing game like Need For Speed Underground. Anyone with 20 something men in their life will probably be familier with most games and I am sure most have witnessed the game Grand Theft Auto being played somewhere. I once played it myself but gave up after a few minutes when I came to the realization that I was no better at directions in this game than I am in real life. How do you guys follow that arrow to the right place anyways? :) In this day and age of information is a video game that promotes this much violance really needed? I know that just because a person plays this game does not mean that he/she will committ these acts of violence in the real world. I learned a long time ago that Marilynn Manson's music does not make people commit suicide just as other rock bands in previous genrations did not cause suicide. I would defiantly agree that any person that commits violence to others or themselves is lacking something somewhere, proper upbringng and influences, or just love from parents/friends/husbands/wives etc. But I have to know what the appeal is...why we need games that let violence seep into young peoples minds so that when real violence occurs it does not have as hard of a blow? Just like nudity, as a nurse I see the exposed nude bodies of others on a daily bases, so much so that nudity is so common to me that a naked man in the local walmart would probably get no more then a quick glance before I continued my shopping unfazed. I have found that personal privacy of others is an afterthought. I remember the day it hit me that it is common to me and less shocking, I walked right in on my father in the bathroom, proceded to grab a hairbrush without a thought and only when I realized he had a deer in the headlights look as he was attempting to hide behind a towel that maybe I had just over stepped some kind of personal boundry. So what will the world be like if we accept this violence as ok to see and imagine. Yes, I know there are more violent games than Grand Theft Auto I am just thinking about that one right now so please do not feel the need to list games for that are worse because really I don't care. I find most video games to be a horrific waste of time, just as some find my hours on the net a horrific waste of time. The thought of future generations becoming even more accepting of violence is a disturbing thought to me. Maybe because in 50 years or so I will be the little gray haired lady with the five locks on my door and the buzzer around my neck in case I fall and can't get up.

Things would be easier if...

2005-02-22T02:37:00.000-06:00

People would just tell you what they really mean from the beginning of your experiences with them. I have sworn over and over again that I would never ever go back to a "salon" that cuts hair on a first come first serve basis, your stylist depends on who comes to your name first on the list. My experience with these types of "salons" like Fantastic Sams has never yeilded a good experience for me. The first time I walked into one asking for a simple highlights I got three blonde streaks, for $100. My brother who in his teenage punk phase took a notion of dying his hair blue and then quickly decided that this was a poor decision walked into one of these "salons" and asked if they could simply take the blue out, leaving his hair bleached if need be. All the stylists looked him over and stated "There is no way we can do that, even if we tried it would cost at least $40". I looked at him and told him I would fix it with the "stylists" warning us that we would mess it up and a wish of good luck. We bought a low cost bleaching kit at Walmart and had all the blue gone in a matter of 20 minutes. I once went in for a trim and told the stylist that I wanted a trim to take off the dead ends and the least amount of length as possible. I walked out $12 later with less then a centimeter of hair trimmed off. Today, after much thought I decided what the hell I need a cut and a perm and today is the day. I called ahead to make sure it was a possibility since I have very long hair.Upon arriving I signed in and waited two hours for "my turn". More than once I got the feeling that maybe I was being avoided but then calmed my over zealous lack of self esteem and social anxiety emotions to make myself aware that people were going pretty much in their "turn" of signing in. After finally being called I met my "stylist" and proceeded with that a I wanted a lot of my hair cut to about mid back and permed. During the shampoo, I was told that my hair was breaking off and would not be suitable for a perm. The reccomendation of the "stylist" would be a conditioning treatment "to help with strentgh" and after all "it was cheaper then a perm, at $24.95" Now this irritated me because I got the impression that for some reason I could not afford salon services. Maybe that assumption was based on the fact that I have one day off out of 6 and on this day a comfortable tee shirt and my jogging pants, no makeup and the why bother to do anything but wash my hair and comb it attitude that I woke up with seemed logical to me. So at this point I had concluded that since it was now one hour before closing time even though I had arrived four hours before closing time that I was not getting a perm today, even if I didn't care that my dead ends were breaking off. So I agreed to the conditioning and decided after a four wait I was not leaving without something! My thinking is well I will go ahead with the haircut so that when I take the time to sced. an appointment with my regular stylist then that will be one less step. I had decided that my very long hair had to go months ago so I asked for 3 inches to be cut off, with some layers added in. I do not understand why to some stylists use a diffrent measurment for an inch then the general public because somewhere along the way I remember agreeing to five and walked out with at least seven gone. Now my very long hair is short and the first hour of life with short hair was an emotional breakdown. Now 8 hours later I have taken some liking to it.
Now back to the original reason of this post, if I would have simply been told when I walked into the door that time was a factor and with the amount of customers in line in front of me that a perm for long hair was not possible, I would have said thank you and went on my way, maybe got something else done that needs doing like my taxes, and still have long hair.

Implicit Association Test

2005-02-21T01:45:00.000-06:00

These tests are pretty neat, I was quite suprised that I had a preference to younger people rather then older, since I have chosen a career with older people. But then again maybe the stress involved in taking care of the elderly has affected my preferences as well. I am quite proud that my racial test showed that I have "little to no preference" to white or black people. Take some tests of your own-Implicit Association Test

A little more my own.

2005-02-21T01:05:00.000-06:00

After typing into this blog, and looking at the same design everywhere else I took a moment to become a little more unique. Not too uniqure of course, I got the template over at Miz Graphics, so I am sure there are other blogs out there with the same look, I am so lazy I even changed the name of my blog to match that of the template! But I kinda liked it and it suits my personality a little. So here it is.
In other news, I am sure I am working my way into being fired at work. There were five mandetory meetings posted and so far I have missed two. If I miss tomorrow that will make three. I am strongly leaning towards missing three since tomorrow is my day off and I really need to get a haircut and attend a birthday party for my grandmother. I would think that if these meetings are so essential then there will be a repeat. I mean to post a notice two days before the five day session starts then what is to be expected of the employees? It is very easy for anyone in the management to not consider five days worth of meetings a big deal, since they are conviently held on thurs, fri, mon, tues and wens. What if they were sced. for sat and sun? I mean if management came in on their days off to attend a meeting I might find it a little more encouraging to drag myself into work on MINE.

Ripguard

2005-02-17T03:16:00.000-06:00

Macrovision entertainment have introduced a new technology to prevent piracy of DVD's.Ripguard is supposed to prevent piracy. Maybe living in America I may have a biased opinion on this issue. But I feel like these new technoligies is an attempt to curtail this in America. These companies always fail to mention the worldwide problems of piracy. A friend who visited over seas brought home Troy, bought for a couple dollars when the movie was still in theatres here. The DVD was a perfect copy menu and all. When I inquired about how this is possible that he bought this, he said that where he was the movie pirates have shops in the malls. They sell their pirated material there without interference from these companies that work so hard to prevent piracy in America. Usually there are several shops and if the police come through and shut one down, not of course by taking their merchandise, but by giving them a fine (which I cannot remember the amount he said, but it was very modest) by the time one place is fined the others have already closed thier shop for a couple of hours to avoid the fine. Within two hours all will be open for business again. While there is region codes on DVD's and Dvd players to prevent us from buying cheaper DVD's from across seas, these pirated know exactly how to get around this also. Is these over sea countries not a concern? I guess not.

The Gates

2005-02-17T02:14:00.000-06:00

In a lot of ways I enjoy art, all types of art. Although most consider art to be a way of expressing themselves or expressing a point, I had to chuckle loudly when I seen this! So a couple of "artists" wanted to basically put up curtains around central park, at a cost of 20 million? At what price does art become not art, just a ridiculous amount of wasted money? My guess would have been somewhere around a couple thousand! So, what did you buy with your 20mil? "I got a bunch of orange tent poles with some fabric!" What a deal! For 20 mil these defiantly not starving artists could have made a much bigger impact on New York City. Clothe feed and provide homes for some homeless families, pay some folks heat bills, pay for several disadvantaged children college tuition. Stupidity amazes me.

There has to be an end!

2005-02-15T04:55:00.000-06:00

Wow work is unimaginable right now, everyones sick. This is causing me overtime and a great big attitude problem. When I feel overworked (and underpaid) it affects me in everything in my life. If only I could find a way to seperate myself from the stress involved at work so that I could rest when I finally do get to go home. I guess the flu season can't last forever, and actully it has been somewhat mild despite the scare of no flu vaccines, but gosh I am ready to get it myself. Just to get a week of rest :0)

Well it is always nice to know that you act your age!

2005-01-18T04:29:00.000-06:00

You Are 26 Years Old

26

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Is Your Family's Water Safe?

2005-01-10T04:50:00.000-06:00

In this day when we have this great amount of technology available to us, it is astounding that our nations families and children could still be exposed to lead through their drinking water! The government does not care to pay for every other countries crisis, so at least go over and sign up so Good Housekeeping can notify legislators that you/we are concerned. It is scary to think many great parents are unknowingly serving their infants lead with their formula. Is Your Family's Water Safe?

True christmas Spirit!

2004-12-27T03:43:00.000-06:00

Feeling very much like Scrooge this year, I was so glad to read this story. I mean it is the very best of an example of what you should be doing on Christmas that I have yet seen! Man gives $35,000 to shelter residents! I was also reminded of the "Christmas Spirit with the recent snowstorm here. Neighbors helping neighbors clear their drives, digging out cars, taking each other to the store, etc. While I am thankful for so many of the material things in my life, it just goes to show that the best things truly are not things!

Snow Depth

2004-12-24T03:18:00.000-06:00

Snow Depth,
originally uploaded by SassyNurse.

Just a little photo to accompany my snow comments.

Let it snow, Let it snow...Somewhere Else!

2004-12-24T02:57:00.000-06:00

Wow, looking at my last post showed just a little of what a bad mood I was in when I posted it! I suppose thats the best thing about this whole blogging thing, you see yourself diffrently when you come back to it a week later and re read the whole thing!
As for the snow, lets just say 20 inches of snow is enough! I hope all those basterds out there that was wishing for a white christmas are happy they got their wish, and the entire southern part of Indiana is shut down because of it. But then again I should be thanking them, I have had a nice little relaxing vacation. No one is going to even attempt to drive out here to pick me up!

Wayback Machine

2004-12-14T05:50:00.000-06:00

Yes I know, I have neglected this little random thought journal. Trust me the blogger world would not be concerned with my latest product derived from my boredom. Posting a link here would only reveal my true weirdness in all its glory. So maybe you will stumble upon it one day and comment on the weirdness and lack of life and social skills needed to create such a place on the www for nothing but my own enjoyment. Although obviously others share my weird hobby seeing as I have already received email from the rest of the odd internet users out there. Maybe I am not alone afterall? I once heard that the internet is socially damaging since it brings forth all these weridos to have a place to congregate together and share their weirdness with each other and by doing so are able to get a feeling of belonging in this cruel world and are able to believe that they are not so weird afterall. Unlike those folks, I maintain that I am weird. I do not argue that, however much weirder appalling hobbies do exist, making mine actually seem acceptable in comparison.

I have decided that I need to stop being concerned with other people and their feelings. Caring more about others more than myself is the main reason others always seem to be happier than myself. Of course they are, here sits the doormat they get to travel over and wipe the mud off their feet before entering their clean house. All the while leaving mine dirty. So no more: from now on: F*ck that. I no longer care if you like me, I am who I am, I am what I say and as others have probably pointed out behind my back the grumpiest most pessimistic soul alive.

Its Christmas. It brings out my worst. When the rest of the world is concerned about spreading Christmas cheer I am sulking in the background cursing under my breeath that those cheer delivers will die a horrible cruel death with Christmas carol's playing in the background. Maybe then they will realize that spreading Christmas cheer is not chestnuts by the fire (or however that song goes) but doing something every day to bring some cheer. Smile at the person in the elevator, pick up the item the woman in line in front of you dropped and smile. Buy someone else dinner. Give four people a good compliment everyday, or heck just tell them that you appreciate them. Cooperate Christmas is nothing to do with Christmas at all. Overheard Leeann Rimes new Christmas CD playing today. WTF? Does she think she is spreading the Christmas spirit? If she was truly spreading the Christmas spirit the B*tch would come up off some of that money and make at least one strangers life a little easier. Maybe take the profit of her Christmas CD sales and buy a homeless family a home. Not just picking on lean rim's here ether, just came to mind when I heard it that all these musicion who claim to be spreading Christmas cheer is also part of the cooperate Christmas, you know they wouldn't do that she*t for free.

On a more organized rational thought: This website is way cool. Esp. if you have a website (or in my case several) and find it humorous to return to five years ago and pull up a screenshot of what you thought needed to be on the front page. Internet Archive: Wayback Machine For those of you that do not have a website of your own you can waste your time pulling up someone else's. Just type in the address and off you go.

Now don't you wish I would have continued to neglect this thing instead of coming here and randomly typing? Actually this was quite relaxing, to just type my thought as I thought them, not even stopping to make sure I have used correct spelling or grammar. Better spell check this one. Well maybe not.

Screensaver tackles spam websites

2004-12-02T02:07:00.000-06:00

BBC NEWS | Technology | Screensaver tackles spam websites now this is just too cool. I despise spammers with a passion. If I was interested in a product,service or teen sex, I would simply find it on my own.

MSN Search-little late!

2004-11-23T02:40:00.000-06:00

MSN Search has now decided to take on a whole new Google like apperance. Msn went away long ago as my homepage. "Analysts say Google's aggressive ambitions could pose a formidable threat to Microsoft because it gets to the heart of what drives Microsoft's dominance: its control of the user experience through the Windows operating system. Web search isn't the only place where Microsoft is playing catch-up. In June, Microsoft launched an Internet browser toolbar that blocks pop-up ads and enables search, years after Google had created its own." I do not see myself switching to the MSN toolbar, seeing as I have loved Googles from day one. Just found the little microsoft search page a joke...seeing as it is so close to what Google has been doing for years! The full article is here.

You knew it would happen!

2004-11-18T03:20:00.000-06:00

I am sure everyone has heard about the most recent unusual Ebay auction where someone was trying to sell a grilled cheese sandwich with the Virgin Mary's image in it. Well you knew it would happen...another weird unusual auction featuring the Virgin Mary eBay item 5536240604 (Ends Nov-17-04 05:38:24 PST) - CONDOM used by Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese NOT A HOAX ! and there it is. Check out this other strange auction if you are interested in purchasing a 3,000 pound anchor and you have $3,300 to do it with. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3762597319

New Mustang

2004-11-16T05:42:00.000-06:00

I have always been, and will always be...a lover of the Chevy Camaro. I have owned both a 89 RS and a 2001 Super Sport in my lifetime. The RS was dependable, fast, and not too expensive to maintain or fix. The 2001 was a joke. Me being me, I just had to have the SS (Supersport) with the extra horsepower so I could blow away the Mustangs in town. The bigger sticker price, obviously did not mean better car. I swear the damn thing fell apart. After just one year and a half I had to get rid of it. I mean I loved it on one hand, on the other I hated it and thought many times about driving it into a telephone pole, a river, or just leaving it running with the keys in it hoping someone would take it. So with my love/hate relationship stated with the Camaro, I just have to say that I love the new 2005 Mustang. It is gorgeous. I have never owned a Ford vehicle, and have sworn that I never will...but I am defiantly admiring this car. Not that I can afford to trade off my new Grand Prix, which I am satisfied with. I would lose to much on my trade that a new car would be a ridiculous notion at the moment. I also have sworn that after the 2001 Camaro deal that I would drive the Grand Prix until it falls apart. I will just admire it from afar.

Awesome Blog

2004-11-15T04:58:00.000-06:00

Kevin Sites Blog is a very interesting blog, a look into the war in Iraq not often seen on the nightly news. Worth a visit if you are more interested in the more personal side of this conflict. Looking through the photos brought a tear to my eye just thinking about what our soldiers are going through over there. The sacrifaces they have made to their country (and us) is hard to conceive of in this world full of selfish people. There are no words for thier work.

Who turned off summer?

2004-11-14T01:43:00.000-06:00

I know what a boring topic to write about, but at this moment I am freezing, and it is the dominant issue on my mind. I want the 70 degree weather we had two weeks ago. Sure 60-65 during the day is not bad, but this 30 degrees at night is bone chilling. I am starting to regret my mid August decision of ridding my bedroom of its plush carpet to reveal the beautiful, yet cold bare hard wood floors. It will be a long winter.

Scott Peterson convicted of murder

2004-11-13T01:45:00.000-06:00

MSNBC - Scott Peterson convicted of murder. I know that we will continue to hear about this trail for awhile. I have to admit, I really havn't followed the case at all. Bits and peices of it has sunk in here or there. I do have to say that I have an overwhelming feeling that he is guilty, and the right verdict was reached. However, I do not pity these jurors. I would not want to be in their place. I think about my own brother, what if he suddenly came to be in Scott Petersons position? To have a jury determine his future when there was no pysical evidence in the home to convict him. As advanced that our sciences are someone can still be convicted without physical evidence and senteced to death. It is scary to a point to think that any one of us could be placed into this position easily by a party willing to bring horror into our lives. I really beleive that he did do it like I said before, but I do not not know if as a juror I could say it without a reasonable doubt.

What would you tell your 16 year old self?

2004-11-12T04:30:00.000-06:00

I don't know what got me thinking about this, maybe the rainy, lonely night it has been. I was just thinking how some people when they get old and gray say that they do not have any regrets. I guess probably at the end of your road, the little things won't seem so important. But then again, the little things can have big effects on the rest of your life. These are defiantly the things I wish I knew 10 years ago.

1. Don't waste your time with Marijuana. It does nothing but make you tired. No, just because it made you tired the first time doesn't mean that you will eventually find out that it is great. You will be tired everytime. Telling you this now will let you avoid the embarrassing time of trying to climb out of the car window on the interstate.

2. When you meet Ralph RUN FAR FAR AWAY. If you don't you will spend years trying to get over the emotional abuse and lose part of yourself forever. You will never be the same person again if you give this a**hole the time of day.

3. Enjoy your looks, you are not fat-just wait you will see.

4. When that certain someone tells you that he loves you, or he sends his friends to judge how you feel about being more then friends, don't keep your mouth shut or you will regret it for the rest of your life.

5. Don't waste your time with the drama in highschool, don't lay low and be the peacemaker. Be the Bitch. Trust me those people are insignificant and I know that in your 16 yr old mind you think if you make someone mad by speaking your mind, you won't have any friends, you are wrong. Your real friends will always love you. Might as well find out who they are now. You will save yourself time later, you will have less weddings/babyshowers to attend when you could have been doing something more constructive.

6. Always go with your gut feeling, listen to the little voice in your mind. You will find out way too late that it was right all along.

7. When the rest of your friends drop out of highschool, do it with them. You could have gotten your GED way faster then a diploma, been finished with nursing school before the rest of your class even thinks about what college their going to. Senior Prom was not as great as you think it will be (yeah you guessed it he was kind of a jerk to!) so the GED/Nursing School is the smarter route.

Super Size Me

2004-10-31T01:50:00.000-05:00

Just watched Supersize Me, and I am never eating McDonalds again! (prob no fast food unless its Subway or something!) Although the movie is drawn out, this guy could've made his point long before the end, it was quite distressing to watch. A healthy male go down the tubes in as little as 3 weeks! I mean 25 lb weight gain in three weeks?? It was an interesting experiment. The fact that most sticks into my mind, and has kept me away from Mcdonalds for two days now (almost a record for me!) is the statement made by the author of "Fast Food Nation" Eric Schlosser was that one hamburger pattie from McDonalds, contains peices of over 1000 cattle!! WHAT??? No Thanks. If you have time and the interest, I highly reccomend you see Supersize Me for yourself. Draw your own conclusions.

I think I am switching!

2004-10-25T06:48:00.000-05:00

After a couple of weeks using Gmail I think I am close to making it my primary address. I didn't quite get the privacy issues people are talking about, afterall when I log into my Yahoo account there is some kind of blurb at the bottom that says they collect personal data. But to me personal data is where I live, where I work, who I am. Not the subjects of my emails to provide me with relevent advertising. Besides Gmail is probably the best email client for advertising, you hardly even notice it over there sitting quietly to the right. Unlike some other web emails I have used. I do not miss those huge color photos, or little flash movies hogging up my mail load time. I have even clicked on a few of the ads, because they were relavent to something that interests me. The only dissapointment I have so far is that I cannot use my Gmail with Incredimail. (a free email program that lets you make email more fun in my opinion by adding graphics fonts etc.) Google says this is coming, maybe after the release of Gmail, or maybe for a fee :( which would make Gmail suck a little I think. As for now I am pleased with it. I love never having to throw anything away. No more little notepad documents saved here and there with links I want to look at later. Right now I am using it for a web group I belong to, it is sooooo usefull for that since everything is grouped into conversations. What used to be 25 emails on the same subject I have to open individually (and deal with obtrusive advertising with each one!) is now one email with one set of ads. Just think of the time you are saving by just getting one mail instead of 25? My group email which was easily 75 messages a day has turned into about 10-15!! I love that!

Flu Shot Shortage

2004-10-24T05:08:00.000-05:00

I am so sick and tired of hearing about the flu shot shortage. The media once again is attempting to use the scare tactic to keep the veiwers eyes turned onto the news. Its always something, how long ago was SARS the big deal? Or West Nile Virus? As a nurse, I have taken a flu shot only once in the last five years of being in nursing with direct patient care. I get the flu every year, even the year I took a flu shot. The diffrence was usually it drags me down for a week. The year I took the flu shot, it was two weeks. Lets face the facts here. It really isn't all that effective anyway. "Of the 1,000 people who got the vaccine before November 1, 149 went on to develop influenza-like illness (14.9 percent). Of the 402 people who did not get the vaccine, 68 got an influenza-like illness (16.9 percent), the study said." (from CNN.com) 2% is not that great of difference. Of course the drug companies say you need it. Last year our facility purchased flu vaccination for $250 per vial. This year it paid $900 per vial! Price hike of course "due to the shortage". I am having trouble recalling the exact numbers, but in a conversation with our county health nurse, I beleive she told me that 14 strains of the flu virus are covered in the vaccine. The vaccine is developed more than 9 months before the flu season (peaks in Jan and March) so there is no way of knowing which strain will affect us, and there are over 100 known strains of the virus! Do not take me wrong here, studies have shown the vaccine to be effective in children and the elderly in preventing hospitalization for flu related illness. To explain this better-sometimes the flu will produce say, a productive phlegm filled cough, that leads to say bronchitis or a pneumonia. (This is what kills people, not the flu!) Of course, do not take my opinions as fact, always consult your docter when dealing with your health, I am not a doctor! I am just simply pointing out that the media loves to scare us into beleiving things are far worse then they are!

Halloween on a Sunday

2004-10-24T04:59:00.000-05:00

I don't consider myself evil, but to have complaints that Halloween falls on a Sunday? Isn't that a little ridiculous? "I'm a church-going person, so I think it should be held on another night than Sunday night," said Scott Luff of Lewisporte. Oh so you are a church going person, so everyone else is to? Religious freedoms do not only extend to christian religions! Halloween, though linked to pagen traditions in history, is in my opinion a harmless event. Why do people have no religious tolerance for others religion? I just don't get it. Although this article deals with other countries, I have heard there is an uproar here in the US also. No one says you have to let your children participate, or you have to answer the door for trick or treaters. To each is his own!

Gmail

2004-10-08T04:42:00.000-05:00

Well as always the first to be last, I finally got an invitation to Gmail. I have just finished setting up my account and have not quite decided what I think about it. This invitation only thing is a little silly. But hey it works right-you want what you can't have! Before long all internet users will have Gmail, just by being invited. Slowly but surely this will be internet mail takeover. What a slick way to make your email service more popular then hotmail or yahoo.

Insominia-my best friend.

2004-10-07T04:38:00.000-05:00

Why can't I be normal and sleep at night? Is it the peacefullness that drapes over my world at night when everyone else is still? Maybe. But as a long time night shifter, I should know better. Thats why I now work second. But nights is in my blood. I still find myself up at 7am trying to figure out why normal people sleep at dark and I cannot. Night shift has been linked to chronic stress,heart prob., breast cancer (I heard somewhere once), weight gain and yet I still cannot sleep. I lay awake puffing Marlbros until the wee hours of the morning. Maybe one of these days I will roll out of bed at 7am instead of 7pm and can classify myself normal.

Students tracked with computer chips

2004-09-30T05:02:00.000-05:00

CNEWS - Weird News: Students tracked with computer chips Besides all of my personal issues saying that this is wrong, wrong, wrong....Are the kids actully dumb enough to take the chip with them when they leave school?

"Some schools here this month began trial runs in which students carry chips that have tiny antennae and can be traced by radio, with some of the kids attaching the tags to their backpacks.

The chips send signals to receivers at school gates. A computer in the system shows when a student enters or leaves."

Bush or Kerry?

2004-09-30T04:50:00.000-05:00

I do not like to dwell in politics, they make me mad and then I feel like I have no control over it. But I must say that I am very interested in this debate coming up. I hate to admit that I have a slight leaning in the favor of Bush at the moment. It is almost like taking the lesser of two evils. I really believe that Bush is not as dumb as the media likes to portray him, but John Kerry is a dumbass. I would hate to see more years of Bush running around shooting missiles from the sky into the cities of innocent people alienating the US from allies. But would John Kerry be able to handle what Bush has started? I just don't feel confident that he can. John Kerry's downfall to me is his total lack of emotion on his face. It makes me not want to trust him. I do not understand this political process. I do not understand why we have ended up with no better choices. Before the presidential race was on I kept thinking to myself, there will have to be something better next time around, we have to get this man back to his ranch and out of our white house. But with the choices now I keep thinking that maybe Bush is better then Botox Buddy, and maybe we will have better choices next time around. People keep commenting to me about Fahrenheit 9/11. One thing about that even though I haven't seen it, Michael Moore is also an idiot. I mean have you read the stats on this guy?? Jobless, irritating fat guy that had a point with Bowling For Columbine and now he is all in the know about our president? He is persauvise, but so is the devil. LOL.

On the other hand, it really felt like fall today! The leaves are starting to change, and there is a crispness in the air. It is refreshing but depressing at the same time, winter will soon be here and how I hate the winter!

For all the music lovers out there-Boombox internet radio

2004-09-28T04:51:00.000-05:00

I just had to share what I think is the coolest thing. Boombox internet radio is a little program that scans the net for radio stations, which then play through your winamp, and let you push record to save your favorite song playing on your boombox! I love that, and it is free! You can download it over at http://www.download.com. I was suprised at how easy it is to use and fast. Download Mozzilla Foxfire while your at it. I am not even going to go into why you should, read the reveiws and you will see why.

Just have to vent..

2004-09-27T05:05:00.000-05:00

I chose to be a nurse for one reason only, caring for others needs are important. I have compassion for people that have special needs etheir from illness, birth defects, etc. I am not here for your personal issues with management. I repeat: I AM NOT here for your issues with management. I am a nurse, my job is to provide medical care. If you are pissed because there is a lack of staffing, then tell somebody that cares. Or rather, tell somebody that can do something about it! Indiana's nursing shortage is 5.5-6% While nursing schools are reporting higher interest in Nursing education, there is still a huge lack of available nurses. The average age of nurses in Georgia is 45 years of age. I read somewhere that the forties was the average age everywhere, but do not feel like finding it at the present time. Therefore this shortage of nurses will only worsen. In a nursing home setting the numbers are often worse. Nurses that love geriatrics (like me) settle with less pay and poor benefits as compared to the hospitals in this area. So, the next time you think you are a big man that has the balls to prove his manhood by taking off the nurses head, you know the only one around trying to do the best damn job that she can, the next time, you may find that her balls ARE BIGGER THEN YOURS and will not take your shit. You would have gotten it this time had it not been for a more important need of a patient that needed my attention more then twisting your balls into a knot.

If you have a loved one in a nursing home let me offer you some guidelines to live by:
1. The situation you are pissed about is probably not the nurses fault, why don't you think about that before you go pissing people off and then expect them to continue to feel compassion for the idiot that raised YOU.
2. Some things are my fault-I'm human. But a simple why is this that way in a nice tone of voice, will get alot more answers for you then pissing me off. Once that happens I don't have to like you, there is a minium amount of standerd of care that I have to provide-I don't have to go the extra mile. And I won't as long as you find it neccessary to insult me as a professional and most of all as a human being!
3. I am much much younger then you-I might be your nurse one day-think about that.
4. The more you complain and find nothing to your satisfaction, the more avoidance of you the staff will display. No one will admit to this to you. but I have seen it a zillion times and the nursing staff admits this to each other!
5.If you feel we do not care for your loved one in a professional manner, then do yourself and us a favor-take them home with you. See how fast you answer dads bell the 150 millionth time he has rung for you to hand him something within his reach in the time period of one hour while you are attempting to clean up your 2 year old who is vomiting. Then maybe you will understand why we didn't run to him the 150 millionth bell ring and drop Ms. Doe on her ass when we were lifting her in the bed.

Don't want to come across like a terrible nurse/person here. Just telling you the truth-the truth you won't hear unless you are a nurse or a husband/wife of one.

Ghost In A Jar

2004-09-23T03:16:00.000-05:00

Just when you are having a bad day, you come across something that makes you laugh, very hard until you are rolling! I love ghost stories, and while surfing the net for some, I came across this ghost for sale. Apparently Ebay ended the auction because of how ridiculous this one got, but I mean how could something like this not be ridiculous? Get your laugh on---->eBay item 2931457201 (Ends Jun-05-03 17:51:39 PDT ) - Ghost In A Jar! No Joke Serious Inquiry Only

Who Wants To Be Mayor Of Buffalo?

2004-09-22T01:16:00.000-05:00

NCBuy Weird News: Who Wants To Be Mayor Of Buffalo? - 2004-09-17 Maybe we should just pick a new president this way. Our choices would be better, and prob more qualified!

Music worth the download

2004-09-21T03:38:00.000-05:00

I have fallen in love with the sound of this band-Tin Ceiling! Their blend of bluegrass, rock, folk is amazing. I have been spending time over at Iuma where you can discover the many wonderfull unsigned artists. Many defiantly should be signed (such as Tin Ceiling) and others well...are talented but not the best I have heard. The music found on this site show a sense of real creativity and talent. No big record labels and money hungry performers. If you love music it is defiantly a good place to experience some of the most talented artists and experimental musical arrangements. I have downloaded several and added them to my winamp playlist, and quite honestly cannot tell the difference between what you have to pay for, and what folks are offering to the audience at Iuma . I might even have to add some great background music to this blog!

Long Day

2004-09-20T03:56:00.000-05:00

This has been the longest day...irritating, depressing. My head has hurt from the time I got up until now. I even broke out the narcotics to try and ease the pain, something that only happens once every 2 years.

So Brittany Spears got married...uh...who really gives a sh*t? Why does the media feel like they are reporting news when they fill our heads with stuff nobody even cares about? I seen a tour bus parked at the Holiday Inn...somebody said "oh look wonder who that belongs to, somebody famous must be there" My response was "SO". I just don't care about famous people. I went to nursing school down the road from a very famous hotel, Often famous people would walk by school to get to the little coffee shops etc. I'll admit I sometimes looked twice, but usually that was because of how two big men were with them, and the famous person usually looked unhappy. My thought was not how much fun it would be to be famous and rich and adored like my classmates were thinking, but how awful it must be to have to pay somebody to walk to the starbucks with you. What would that conversation be like? Would they really even care about what you were saying? Or even notice that you were depressed? Would your paid help try and cheer you up? I wouldn't mind having money just so I could actully get out and do something important with my life instead of slaving away trying to pay the bills. Well now that I am into that mode of tired mindless rambling I will sign off until I am more awake!

Can You Hear Me Now? uh NO

2004-09-17T02:48:00.000-05:00

Can you hear me now? Verizon Wireless trademark slogan is truth in advertisng like I have never seen before. Can you hear me, is what you will say over and over again. I have never seen such a company that does not attempt to improve their services to their customers. As a customer for the last five years, let me fill you in on my experiences. My first cell phone from Verizon was top of the line! Approx 10 inches long and 2 inches thick. That two tone dark green with puke green lighter colors made up the two color display. I used this phone for three years. Analog service that worked in big towns and occasionally smaller ones. After three years, I finally decided I should update my phone. At that time, I was a little upset at the fact that I never once received mail, or a phone call from Verizon saying "hey you know there are better phones now, digital phones that may be better for you." I signed a new two year contract that is required to get a new phone for what a brand new customer that this company has no prior experience with would get it for. I guess a new face is better for business then a faceless one that pays her bill on time every month. The saleslady never told me I was signing a new two year contract, just assumed I wanted it for two years, and when I said one would be better for me I was told that in order to get the new Nokia phone for 49$ instaed of a whopping $259.99 price a two year contract was required. Of course this was not told to me prior to picking out a new phone, or during the attempt to sell me a phone at their advertised price of 49$. No where was the higher price listed except I guess when you attempt to only sign a contract for one year. So in my despiration to obtain a new phone that might actully receive some kind of wireless phone service, I signed a two year contract. I have spent the last two years with this new Nokia phone, that was obviously digital and analog so therefore has the capablity to pick up some kind of signal beamed from somewhere, apparently my area of the world had no signal beaming signals. My two year contract was finished about 3 months ago. The last straw for me was when apparently last year sometime, my phone number prefix was no longer used in my area so therefore everyone that tried to call me had to dial a long distance number. I didn't realize this as I usually did not make a habit of phoning myself. A friend later informed me when she attempted to call me after placing a long distance block on her phone line. So wasn't that nice of them to make my number long distance for everyone in my area to call? I thought it was even greater customer relations to not bother to let me know or offer to change my number so I could be reached. So here I am with a phone that does not call out from my home or even 15 miles within my home, long distance from here and only God knows where else. So thats it I am done. I walked into T-mobile today, bought a new phone for the actual price listed next to it on the wall and signed a one year contract without a hassle. My new phone has a COLOR display, a background of my choice, funky ring tones with the ability to download the latest ones, instant messenger, text messenger, voice activated dialing and more cool features too numerous to mention. And guess what? I called people all the way home and from my computer desk and never once did I have to say "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW"!!

So note to self: Stay with T-mobile, phone better, one year contract, price of phone same anytime everytime for all customers, big + :do not have to repeat self, due to other person heard me THE FIRST TIME, get nationwide no roaming for less then over at "Can you hear me now", website works, logged in tonight first visit, still can't log in over at can you hear me now.

So what in the world took me so long?

Ipod Guilty Pleasures

2004-09-16T04:57:00.000-05:00

I found a link to this article over at Kottke.org and wanted to also admit my "guilty pleasures"! I love music (who doesn't) and every type of music. Although an Ipod is on my list of wants, not needs, so therefore I do not own one. But I have over 1500 songs on my laptop, more on the desktop, and many more on disks from a recent format that havn't quite made it to etheir computer yet. So I guess I would be ashamed to admit that I have two Brittany Spears songs, "Everytime" and "Oops I done it again". One New Kids On The Block, Hangin' Tough, and yes even One Vanilla Ice lol, "Ice Ice Baby"! A couple Debbie Gibson "Lost In your Eyes, and Out of The Blue". All of The Cars greatest hits, Every single AC/DC album, every Tom Petty album, every Blink-182 album, at least 12 John Mellencamp albums and all of the Goo Goo Dolls. Alot of New Found Glory, Def Leppard, Pure Moods...ok I will stop now! What are you listening to???

Link-O-the-Day

2004-09-13T02:01:00.000-05:00

At least in all of my late night depressing moments I havn't resorted to listing all of my posessions online for the world. Although I would think that for insurance reasons in case of a disaster it would be nice to have everything written down somewhere that would not go up in flames with my house, I do not think I would make a website with illistrations! I have to say this is a pretty bad website. Welcome to my home.

Everything Changes

2004-09-13T01:49:00.000-05:00

Have you ever sat down and thought about your life, and the changes you have seen? I look back at the last few years of my life and the changes are so many. Yeah I still have the same job, but everything else is diffrent. It is so depressing to find that everything I thought my life would be at this age it is not. The things and people I thought would be in my life forever have all changed, living new lives. It was nothing intentional, it just happened. I thought that I would always have certain people by my side and have found that life changed and so did they. Not that now is so much worse then years ago. Just different. It makes me wonder what the next ten will be like, will it be better? Or worse? Will I be happy? Sometimes those long drives home get me thinking, and then depressed. Since I am the only one up at the wee hours of the night it seems like, I stay depressed here at the computer. No one to talk to. Chat rooms are not my thing at all. A bunch of people trying to connect to someone they do not know is not something I find constructive. I guess netheir is being depressed typing into a blog etheir :0)

9-11

2004-09-11T07:03:00.000-05:00

Looking back at the pictures and videos from 9-11 I am saddend by the meaningless loss of lives lost. To wake up, go to work, never to return. All the greif that must wash over those left behind is tremendous. I couldn't help but to scan the net and make a tribute video for my website. you can see it here http://www.thoughtsandinspirations.com

I need some sleep!

2004-09-10T04:49:00.000-05:00

Besides needing some sleep, I am stressed out. Sometimes you think that this day has got to be less stressful then the last one, but its not. How long can someone keep going like this? How long can things keep piling up before someone finally breaks? I don't know but I tell ya, its gone be soon if things don't slow down! I try to think how can I decrease this stress? I keep finding the same answer, it all goes back to money. The need for it and then that I have to work for it! Overtime sounds great when I think about the need for money, but the extra hours are killing me. I can afford my lifestyle, but I am also always for the position that a new this or that would be nice. So I have come to the conclusion that I guess I really don't need anything new right, including a new digital camera. This has been on the top of the list of what I really can't afford right now, and what I really want. When I bought my first digital camera it was a nice one (Kodak 2 mega pixels), then my brother went out and bought a nice Canon S50 and I seen the difference between 2 pixels and 5. Now I want five.

At least my internet connection is running smoothly. My broadband had been acting more like dial up this past week.

Do yourselves a favor and don't download Kazaa. I am all for paying for music, but everyonce and awhile I hear a new group or style of music and just don't know if it is for me or not. So in my eyes sampling a few songs from a new band or new genre is not stealing or a crime. There are just so many one hit wonders out there. Big record companies desperate for the dollar, that most music these days suck. If I know an artist is good, then I will buy every album. There are several groups that I own at least 95% of their albums. (Blink 182, John Mellencamp, Def Leppard, New Found Glory just to name a few) I will not buy junk. I am not paying 20$ for mindless ramblings and cheap beats. My new favorite thing to hate is all these so called rap/hip hop artists that remake old songs into rap. 80's music seem to be a popular group of artists to rip off this way. One crapola dumb mindless rambling song on my mind is "Wat Da Hook Gon Be" by Murphy Lee. Need further proof besides the name? If so scroll down :0)

hahahaha u know!...yo yo yo yo,

u neva met a nigga like me yo yo yo,

have u eva seen another man who b doin what i do. ahuh yo!whooo

Now what goes up must come down,

but we aint commin down,

it be the same ole clowns,

evey style pretendin they proud

The sun'll come out tomorrow,

and I will never have to borrow,

I am sure you get the point by now, I will not go into the mindless chorus of "Wat Da Hook Gon Be". Wake up record giants, as long as you peddle crap "illegal" downloading will always be here somewhere. Back to my point Kazaa installs enough spyware that I am sure it is put out by the secret service. In a moment of stupidity I downloaded, installed, opened, then removed Kazaa. Only to have Adaware find 46 spyware applications Kazaa so coviently left behind for me.

It's Me Again

2004-09-01T02:13:00.000-05:00

Over a week without internet and you would have thought that someone killed my dog. Thank God it is back on again. It is weird how five years ago I didn't even have a computer, couldn't have even turned one on by myself :0) and now I think that I cannot go without etheir. It is amazing how much of my time is wrapped around this little black box and the internet. I spent my time without thinking of all the things I needed to do when it came back on!

Another Day Goes By

2004-08-18T00:32:00.000-05:00

Another day goes by, life deals out more crap and I am sick and tired of it! Well at least I am more normal then this lady:http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~author/. Not that I am in any position to judge anybody else. But I do think that believing Garth Brooks is your past lover is a little strange. I don't think I believe in reincarnation, but who really knows what lies beyond our earthbound selves. As a matter of fact if reincarnation is true, I don't want to know it. To know that everything I have experienced, every lesson I have learned, every emotion I feel will be washed away into a new life is heartbreaking. I want to keep my memories, all the little "life moments" I have tucked away inside me. And forget me ever being excited about doing this whole life thing over again. Once is tiring enough! I do not even pretend to know what is on the "other side" but I believe it is better then here and now. Do you believe in reincarnation?

Life and Death

2004-08-17T00:56:00.000-05:00

As a nurse, I am faced with death or dying at least weekly. This closeness to death has always made me curious to what death brings. I won't get into any religous beleifs here, but I will say that the study of death (thanatology) intrigues me. I have always felt like I can feel death. I am on this depressing subject because of an experience today. On the way to work I passed a very bad accident, I felt death all around me. I have felt anxious since then. Living in a small town word of mouth travels faster then the newspaper has chance to report it, and I heard that the man in one truck did die. Which has contributed to my uneasiness that I have felt since passing the accident. I often brush off the "feeling of death" and tell myself that I am nuts, but hearing that there was a death makes me uncomfortable with knowing that maybe I did feel it. It reminded me of that scene in The Sixth Sense, where the boy and the mom are behind traffic at a car accident and the little boy says, "mom someone died in the accident" and the mother asks him why he says that and he says "she is standing by the window".
ok now that I have myself all freaked out and all of you out there telling yourselves how much of a freak I am, here is something kinda funny. My sister sent me this link for The-Link-O-the-Day: Geroge Bush's Blog

Link-O-The-Day-Used Doll 4sale

2004-08-16T04:01:00.000-05:00

To continue one of my favorite aspects of my old blog...My link of the day. Most usually these are dumb links to awful websites, funny websites or just plain odd. Todays link is pretty amusing to me. If your in the market for a used blow up doll, then too bad you missed the auction! A friend sent this one to me.

Link-O-The_DayeBay item 5501862293 (Ends Jun-20-04 06:42:00 PDT) - Realdoll by Abyss Creations Body-5/Head-4